Labour working on Greenhouse Solutions as we speak

The Government is showing increasing concern of developments on White Island.

Reports show that an eruption is imminent. Government sources are quietly trying to hush up news of the pending eruption as evidence leaks out that seriously undermines the Governments vaunted Carbon Neutrality plan.

Already significant Greenhouse gases Sulfur Dioxide and Carbon Dioxide are pouring into the atmosphere and alarming rates, but since the Prime Ministers speech on Tuesday have magnified in output.

The quantities are genuinely alarming and have made hoards of bureaucrats reach for their Brown Cardies and pocket protectors in an attempt to work out how the Government can ameliorate this disturbing occurrence short of ignoring it completely. White Island is presently discharging Sulfur dioxide gas into the atmosphere at over 500 tonnes a day up from 300 tonnes recently, and the amount of carbon dioxide being pumped out has risen from 1000 tonnes a day to 1400 tonnes.

With New Zealand’s present emissions rates at approximately 93,000 tonnes per day this means a radical increase in the planned outputs when Helen Clark was planning the exact opposite.In fact her "Bonsais behind Treasury" and "Bikes for MP’s" plan will only save 110 tonnes per annum, which is just 7% of the daily amount being pumped into the atmosphere by the runaway White Island. To compare annually it works out at  0.0002% of White Islands present output and makes Helen Clark’s plans look just plain sick and she should now be concentrating on diverting significant resources into shutting White Island down in order to make any kind of headway on the issue of New Zealand’s burgeoning Greenhouse gas emissions.

If an eruption does occur expect to see those numbers spike alarmingly.

Meanwhile, reports from Beehive sources have named variously, Philip Field, the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and even bizarrely a gay donkey named Sonic as the instigators behind the embarrassing uplift in emissions from White Island. The word is that various state agencies are even now working on tracking down the people responsible to messing up the Dear Leaders fine speech to parliament on Tuesday with such a blatant stunt. Strangely no mention of the Exclusive Brethren enlisting the aid of God to orchestrate what can clearly only be some sort of Tory manifestation.

We will keep you posted on these dramatic developments.