A Dose of Dyson

Murray McCully writes;

[quote]Just what could be worse than being forced to attend a farewell function for a failed chief executive who has left a department in disarray ? a function, remember, to which one is expected to bring ones own liquor? Easy. One at which one must also endure a speech from the unctuous Ruth Dyson.

The news media, showing some sense of news judgment, did not report the address delivered by Minister Dyson. But today we have decided to treat readers to a few brief excerpts. And to provide a translation service as well:

?You have been a public service chief executive for the last 11 years and during this time you have worked with 13 Ministers and many more stakeholders.?

(It has taken a while for any Minister to be around long enough for the annual review process to be able to catch up with you).

?You have been involved in the challenging task of determining the purpose and scope of the organisation in order to respond to an ever-changing labour market and operating environment.?

(I really appreciate the way in which you have carried out the Labour Party?s desire to nuke the parts of the Department that gave honest advice that we hated and put in place the cringing, politically correct regime that has descended into total dysfunction today.)

?This work has put the Department in a very strong and healthy position to achieve its future goals.?

(No one on the outside will notice that the result has been a total cock-up for quite a while yet ? certainly not until after the next election.)

?The direction you have set for the Department is aligned with today?s labour market, focusing on quality jobs, lifting skills, raising the value of work, and being well connected and internationally competitive.?

(You have been pretty well the perfect Labour Party patsy.)

"You have developed incredibly strong relationships across the Department and the many sectors the Department works with.?

(I can hardly admit that you are being shunted out by the State Services Commissioner because all of those groups have lost confidence, or say that everybody inside and outside the Department is breathing a sigh of relief.)

?Last year that relationship was further strengthened by the four of us participating in a study tour to Ireland, Finland and the UK.?

(This man has pictures and if we don?t play the game they will be in the next edition of ?Investigate?.)

?You have of course also worked with my colleague David Cunliffe Minister of Immigration. David couldn?t be here tonight but he wanted me to let you know that his is grateful for the assistance and support he received from you and your team??

(David Cunliffe is in the pictures too.)

?Both David and I will miss your humour, your good nature and your sage advice.?

(Neither of us can remember what is in the pictures but we are assuming the worst.)

?I have no doubt James that you will be a success at whatever you do in the future and I know you will continue to use your skills to contribute to the betterment of New Zealand.?

(Just hand over the negatives and there will be a couple of really good, well remunerated jobs in it for you.)[/quote]