Who will be Cullen's Deputy?

The Hive: Who Will Cullen’s Deputy Be?

The Hive is fomenting happy mischief today in speculating who Cullen’s deputy will be when he rolls Helen in a couple of weeks.

Now it is a little naughty of them to have comments vicariously through other blogs, but hey I’ll play the game.

First up the question is actually quite difficult….actually very difficult. This highlights a problem that Labour has, depth….or rather a lack of it in the talent stakes. Right now they have as much depth as a car park puddle.

Let’s look at the possible candidates, remembering of course that it is Labour that we are talking about so political correctness must assume all other considerations. We will examine the possibilities in pecking order according to the current oder of Labour MP’s.

  • Phil Goff – nope, he is using Cullen as the stalking horse and will bide his time, then cut his throat.
  • Annette King – Not likely, hopelessly compromised over HBDHB as well as the fool minister who invoked the moon, the sun and the laws of common sense.
  • Pete Hodgson – nope, one of Helen’s cronies and yesterdays man. Well emasculated.
  • Parekura Horomia – oh come on he is only in this position because he is maori. Not a contender ever except in a pie eating contest.
  • Chris Carter – possible but really is also compromised after his Whangamata cock-up…also has personal issues with his home life that will become messy.
  • David Cunliffe – ambitious but doomed through his puffery. He is being slain on the altar of expediency right now over the HBDHB and will come out looking foolish. One wonders if that wasn’t Cullen and Goff’s plan all along.
  • Trevor Mallard – has penis issues and a sjort temper, not likely.
  • Ruth Dyson – hmmmm…part of me hopes this inept drunk is selected, though she too is hopelessly aligned with Helen.
  • Lianne Dalziel – A real possibility. She from all accounts on both sides of the house is a very capable Minister and largely has kept out of trouble. When was immigration minister handle the job superbly. I have heard several National MP’s praise her for her ability to do the work without any partisan baggage. Definite front runner.
  • David Parker – nup, lightweight and has a squeaky voice.
  • Nanaia Mahuta – only a challenge to Parekura in the pie eating competition.
  • Clayton Cosgrove – nope, ambitious, Mike Moore clone, speaks in sound bites but never actually says or does anything, is on the right of the party and has as many friends as he has thumbs, not to mention his appalling “plugs”.
  • Damien O’Connor – uselss as tits on a bull, so no.
  • Steve Chadwick – no woman called “Steve” is ever going to get anywhere within a bulls roar of the the job.
  • Shane Jones – complete tosser and an arsehole to go with it, rates himself but is really just a Goff stalking horse. Probably the numbers man and the knife carrier.
  • Judith Tizard – Not likely, Helen’s consort and missing in action forever. She will lose Auckland Central this year.

The rest of the list are a bunch of also ran’s who have never managed anything except to dip their collective snouts in the public purse. Never have I seen a caucus so bereft of talent.

Ok so after running through that lot of distinct underachievers, my non-partisan selection would be Lianne Dalziel. From all accounts a capable minister, and a chick so to appease the pc requirements. She is also not that shabby on the looks front.