Hewitson does Brown like a dinner

Len Brown has been interviewed by Michelle Hewitson. As is usual she slays the politician.

The other thing about him that gives you a start is that he’s a 52-year-old white bloke in a good suit who uses some very odd language.

He says “down with”; he tells the photographer that if he doesn’t find the right “vibes” for his picture we can try another location. And, of course, he has been known to do the odd rap – very odd, in my opinion.

Yes that was an odd rap. But the interview gets a whole lot more cringe-worthy.

Yes, he well might. I’d asked whether he could do the posturing required of a Super City mayoral candidate and he said, “I can do singing and dancing.”

Are you sure? I asked. I was thinking of the rap he did at the Pacific Music Awards, which was shown on telly and which I could only watch bits of, from behind my fingers. I told him this, but his feelings weren’t hurt a bit.

“I spend a lot of my time with young people and what I’m doing is reaching out to them and saying, ‘I don’t want bars between you and me’.”

I advised him to cut out the rapping. But of course I wanted him to do one. I thought it would make a funny picture. He said, ha, ha, that I was now his main adviser and he had taken the advice on board. And so, no, he wasn’t going to oblige.

Yes the rapping was truly cringe-inducing but the dancing was just laughable. The man make a mockery of his position. What is more perplexing is that when asked about his qualifications to run the Super-City he says he can “do a bit of singing and dancing”.

Hewitson just keeps shanking him though;

So his worst fault may be that he, like many a politician, is capable of exaggerating for what he thinks is the required effect. Or that he even attempted to answer the question.

He’s the nice and happy mayor, which is not as snappy as the rappy mayor (it must be catching.) He is also, as I rather feared he would be, a kissy one.

“I’m a huggy, kissy type of guy,” he announced, unprompted. Not, I hope, in the mayoral workplace. Even he has his limits. “No, I don’t run around sort of hugging and kissing the secretaries. That would be a weakness!”

Great! This guy is going to stand for the Super-City mayoralty on a platform of singing, dancing, rapping, being happy and a huggy, kissy kind of guy. What a complete fool. The only person more stupid than Len Brown in Auckland right now is the Clown of Campbells Bay. Conor Roberts is probably spitting his cornies all over the paper about now.

But wait there’s more as the advert says and there ain’t no free steak knives, it’s more cringe.

When he visits kids he tells them that “I love them, that the community loves them …”

That might sound like drippy waffle. “No, it’s not. It’s someone who’s not afraid to express their emotions and I’m not afraid to get out there and express mine.”

He’s a Catholic who prays, on his knees, sometimes in the mayoral office, for guidance.

Good grief! The happy, snappy, rappy, dancing, prancing, huggy, kissy, kneeling, praying candidate, just what we need!

The interview gets better;

I tried to get him to say something mean about John Banks. No luck there. He gave me a list of things Banks is good at which was longer than the list of things he’s good at. I tried to get him to say something mean about Rodney Hide.

Banksie will be pleased with that, his main rival for the job of Super-City has just endorsed him as more qualified than him. I can see the signs now. “Vote Banks, endorsed by Brown”.

The final ignominy is left to the penultimate paragraph;

I’ll agree that he’s not gifted at joke-telling. He told a terrible one, in response to my teasing him about how he’ll undoubtedly get all puffed up and important if he’s the Super Mayor. “I think I’m about as puffed up as my wife wants me to be. I’m sitting three or four kilos over what I should be.”

That makes him the happy, snappy, rappy, dancing, prancing, huggy, kissy, kneeling, praying, huffy, puffy candidate. No thanks.