Christchurch Snapshot

I have condensed several emails from several people into a summary of the goings on in Christchurch at the moment.

Solipsistic Bob seems to be struggling to command any favour amongst the political classes, the business community or those generally interested in the well being of the socialist republic. Fortunately for Bob the lumpen proletariat (conservatively about 98% of the voter base) couldn?t give a shit about the mayor and the tv guy that they all recognise runs he has a bloody good show of winning based on name recognition alone.

The thing that vexes the left is that they actually had the race won, but split the vote.

PARKER, Bob Independent 47033
WOODS, Megan Christchurch 2021 32821
GILES, Jo Christchurch City Vision 14454
Combined Socialist Parties total ?47275

So they are dead keen on finding one decent candidate to have a crack.

There aren’t many options though. The ratio of engaged political class to lumpen proletariat is such that they are struggling badly. The fat sheila (i’m not sure, I think she is bigger) that Bob dealt to last time is looking to take over Jim?s safe seat of Wigram and move to wellington to really take advantage of the parliamentary subsidy on food. The left have been trying to get the other factions in local body politics to come together to remove bob, and at the moment they are twisting proven liar Lianne Dalziel’s arm to get her to run despite her commitments not to.

Apparently Lianne is giving it careful consideration because she has finally realised she wont be getting a ministerial limo any time soon, if ever, so the mayoral vehicle is worth having another look at. The left haven’t yet worked out that taking around a couple of flagons of sherry and sitting down with Lianne for an all nighter is pretty much guaranteed to get her to agree to anything.

Former Labour Speaker, Sir Kerry Burke, who was recently deposed as regional council chair is known to be as cunning as a shithouse rat, and may fancy his chances, but is probably going to concentrate on the regional council.

The left are getting desperate so there are also whisperings about Creepy Cosgrove, though he still has a chance of making it back into a Labour ministry some time in the distant future, so there isn’t much of a show there despite his forlorn battle against Crusher. Then of course there is the issue of the punch and grow, it is very hard to take someone seriously with punch and grow.

Maybe they should cast their net wider and get a ring in like Invercargill did. Andrew Williams is going to be out of a job soon, perhaps they could encourage him down south, shouldn’t be too hard, if they turned bearing a couple of cases of cheap plonk with the promise of more then he’d be in like a robber’s dog.

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