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Some of my favourites:

The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.

The opposite of success isn’t failure, it’s name dropping.

Most of what they call humility is successfully disguised arrogance.

In science you need to understand the world; in business you need others to misunderstand it.

I wonder if a lion (or a cannibal) would pay a high premium for free-range humans.

Most people write so they can remember things; I write so I can forget.

Corollary to Moore’s laws: every ten years, collective wisdom degrades by half.

I wonder whether a bitter enemy would be jealous if he discovered that I hated someone else.