I wish I was a Green MP

Oh I wish I was a green MP
In a green hemp suit
With my bodacious kutu catchers
And packed lunch of leaves and roots

I?d be like little Skippy
I think he?s retiring soon
I?d have verbal diarrhoea
Morning, night and noon

I?d throw around a lot of eyewash
And get the pip if it?s thrown back
I?d accuse the PM of being a diddler
And demand he get the sack

I?d demand to run the finance
?Up you!? is what I?d quote
I?d be tweaking up the budget
To run like a hairy goat

I can?t wait to have the wood over
Those pencil necks there to the right
I?d be cooking it with gas
I?d be itching for a fight.

I?d be waving my salami
There?d be no jumpsuit for me
The pudding club?s no worries
With my vasectomy.

I?d be a quizzy little yapper
X amount would be my fee.
I?d say ?you give me my flag back?
I?d be a megafugly flea

But frankly I?m an armchair sailor
It sounds too much work for me
Taking one?s lumps is not my stylez
I need warm fuzzies, herbal tea

I?m a wee bit off my oats, you?ll have
to find some other new egg
I?m feeling somewhat poorly
I?m off to catch some zeds.


The above was penned by “Bea” and selected by our readers as the winner in the Kiwi Slang short story competition. ?Bea wins a free Whaleoil polo. ?Just email me, [email protected]…., and we’ll sort out your size, style and where to send it.


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