Mr Key this is how you say “no” to increasing the refugee intake


I came across two articles yesterday. One on the art of saying no and the other a criticism of John Key’s increase of our refugee intake. John Key was criticised for not increasing the intake more than he had and we New Zealanders were also criticised. According to the article we are all rich and are shirking our responsibilities and John Key has not shown leadership on this issue.

Issues of fairness were raised and the accusation that we are not doing our fair share. What is unfair is that we are given no say as a nation as to who we accept into our country. Putting aside the economic strain taking refugees puts on a society we are denied the basic right to choose non-Muslim refugees to live in our non-Muslim country. Muslim countries don’t take in Christian refugees and most refuse to help Muslim refugees yet we continue to be forced to take people who support laws and values alien to our society.

John Key needs to learn the art of saying no. No to increasing the number of refugees and no to Muslim refugees.

“Women are people pleasers, so it’s fairly common for them to say ‘yes’?and commit to things when they would rather not,” says health psychologist?Marny Lishman.?”In the past women had clearly defined roles, usually that of the child-rearer, nurturer or home maker, and so our default thinking is to appease others, and say yes straightaway.”

John Key is a voter pleaser and it is fairly common for him to conduct polls and then commit to things when he would rather not. His default thinking is to change his stance and appease others if polls indicate that some people are unhappy.

“If we say ‘no’?to things, people may change their views and behaviour towards us and, for some, that thought is extremely daunting and scary.”

…Service now runs?workshops?that empower women to say “no”. Within this, she teaches a “no”?sandwich technique, using a three-step strategy.

The strategy consists of:

1. Validating the request with a positive statement.

2. Outlining why you don’t have the capacity to do as asked, using facts not emotions.

3. Suggesting an alternative?and/or changing the subject.

An example of putting this into practice is:

“Thanks for thinking of me, that sounds like fun.?I appreciate the invite, but unfortunately I’m not available on that night.?I’m keen to see you sometime soon, though, if you’d like to get together. How are things with you, anyway?”

Service says that such strategies help us?to have challenging conversations in a positive way.


Next time someone criticises Mr Key and demands that he increase the refugee intake further this is what he should say…

1.?It is important that we do an excellent job helping refugees assimilate into our society

2.?To continue doing an excellent job we need to ensure that we have enough support people, accommodation?and money so that neither the refugees or the?community where they are settled is disadvantaged by their arrival.We currently have XX available so we have taken the maximum amount we can.

3.?To make this process even more effective we intend to choose families that have the most in common with New Zealand society’s values and laws to ensure a successful integration into the Kiwi way of life.