When will the world end?

Guest Post: By Brian Rogers



Some articles are timeless and can be enjoyed even years after they were first published. With Brian’s blessing, we revisit, ‘When will the world end?’

I know you are all concerned about the situation with North Korea and the threat of all-out nuclear war, but consider this?

A dog in Glasgow is recovering from gender re-assignment surgery, after she was born a hermaphrodite.

Molly the Jack Russell terrier had both male and female parts. She’s now a girl dog, and still called Molly.

It is not clear what this has to do with the threat of global annihilation by nuclear weapons, except that it would be easier to negotiate peace with a hermaphrodite terrier than with either Mr Trump or Mr Jong-un. And the terrier has a better hairstylist than either of them.

According to ?The Daily Stooge? there’s this answer to over-booking on airlines.

In other world-startling headlines, saxophonist Kenny G thrilled passengers with an impromptu show, on a Delta airlines flight from Florida to LA.

He’d have been dragged kicking and screaming from the plane if he’d been on a United flight.

I’ve always wanted to play my impromptu music on aeroplanes. My wife doesn’t think it’s a good idea. She says I’d struggle to fit the drumkit in the aisle.

So what are our chances of quick annihilation by a rampant lunatic nation with nuclear arms? More likely a slow, excruciating demise due to radiation and fallout, according to Google.

Weird questions

We’ve put some of your other weird questions into the Google Machine this week. Only to find that most of them have already been asked, and answered.

Such as?

Is the Tooth Fairy real??No.

How many calories are there in a booger??The calories in a booger are so low that you burn anything off picking your nose and ingesting it. So, the caloric effect is actually negligible.

Why are the unicorns dead??There’s no proof unicorns actually existed in the
first place.

Does farting burn calories??Despite a completely fake Facebook post claiming farting could burn 67 calories an hour, farting actually burns no calories whatsoever — unless you’re really straining, and even then… the calories burned would be negligible.

How much does it cost to go to Mars??Mars One is offering one-way tickets to establish a human colony on the red planet. The ticket has a low, low cost of six billion dollars, and they haven’t made the technology yet.

Why do men have nipples??It’s kind of like leftover genetic material? In male embryos, the genes from the Y chromosome don’t activate until around the fourth week of life, so they all develop nipples just in case.

Do worms have eyes??No. But they have touchy feely front ends.

How do I make my cat love me??Cats may seem grumpy, but as long as you respect their boundaries, feed them, and pet them if they want to be pet, they will eventually become fond of you. Just try to be relaxed and don’t force anything. Sort of like a real date with a human!

Is the Earth flat??Despite a group of people who still sincerely believe that the earth is flat, no, it is not. We have millions of photos, eyewitness accounts, AND calculations that prove it isn’t.



Do penguins have knees?
? Yes! You just can’t really see their short little legs and knees under their feathers and bellies.

Can cousins marry??It depends on where you live. Not in NZ. Except maybe Gore.

Why is my goldfish turning black??It could be disease, ammonia levels in the pond, or changing melatonin in the skin.

How do I Google something??If you typed this into Google, you just did it.

Do pigs sweat??Not much. They roll in mud to cool off.

Do inflatable dolls count in the bus lane??No.

How many people have dropped their cellphone in the toilet??A study found one in five people had done this.

Is there gravity in India??Yes, there’s gravity on the entire planet.

Is it possible to make toast in the microwave??No.

Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety-one???The base count — because of calendars and clocks — used to be to twelve, not to ten. So that’s why it started with ?normal? number variations at thirteen.

Could God create another God??You’ll have to ask him/her.

Why are there school??Answered your own question. Thanks to Offbeat for all the answers this week.

When will this column end??About here.