The secret diary of Trevor Mallard

Credit: Luke


Dear Diary it really annoys me that none of the? National party members will admit that one of them called the Prime Minister a silly little girl. It is totally unacceptable that they should get away with such a derogatory and sexist statement and I simply will not tolerate that kind of behaviour.

Quite frankly the behaviour of some of the National ministers is completely off the rails. That Judith Collins, for example, is a complete attack dog.


Dear Diary

I read Hansard and there is no record of anyone saying that the Prime Minister is a silly little girl. I am not worried though as it will all have been caught on video and then I will out the culprit.

I was watching a game show the other night and the weirdest thing happened. They said that the?contestant had the chance to win a new toy Yoda. What was all that about? I expected a car at the very least.


Dear Diary

Everyone is saying that they can’t hear anyone saying that the Prime Minister is a silly little girl on the videotape. I have asked the person who does?the sign language in parliament to view the video and lip-read the National MPs for me.

I took my lovely Jane out to dinner tonight. We were gazing into each other’s?eyes when the waiter arrived and Jane said the funniest thing. She asked for a nice water. Can you believe it? LOL


Dear Diary

The silly woman made no sense at all. I asked her what she saw on the video and she said that no one’s ships moved behind pieman itches and that a bun said anything. I had to ask her to repeat herself and to stop mumbling.

She explained that no one’s lips moved behind Simon Bridges and that no one had said anything. I am totally confused now and don’t understand what is going on. Have the Nats tampered with the tape?

I clearly remember hearing someone say what I was thinking at the time. Is it possible that no one actually said it?

A few minutes ago I was at a meeting where Grant was telling us all a story about?Mr Genie. When I asked who Mr Genie was everyone burst out laughing. ?It?s not Mr Genie, Trev. It’s my sister Jeanie!? Grant said.

Then to crown what has been a very disappointing day I saw this comment on Whaleoil.

If a comment is made in Parliament, and no one but Mallard hears it, was it still a National MP?

What a bloody cheek grrrrrr.