The secret diary of Winston Peters


Dear Diary

there is something quite challenging about taking on the role of a Grandfather in a young person’s life.

At this age, it doesn’t take much to keep them distracted. Shiny new things and a gentle push in the direction I want them to go is often all that is required.

When I am not babysitting I am dreaming about being Prime Minister.

I can’t believe that it took this long but it will make achieving my goal even sweeter. The only thing better than finally becoming PM was seeing the look on Bill English’s face when he realised that I had accepted Cindy’s?offer. Priceless!

Right, that’s enough work for today I’m off to the Green Parrot.


Dear Diary

I learned early on that it is important to make a young one feel good about herself. That is why I let her win when we first played a game together. She was so thrilled and ran away to tell her parents the exciting news.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to pretend to lose? I had a winning hand but I never showed her all my cards. The little sweetheart actually believed that her pair of twos is why I gave her all the poker chips. Well, not all exactly but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her LOL.

What time is it?

I thought so, it is Green Parrot o’clock.


Dear Diary

I am counting down the days now to the birth of Cindy’s baby. I suspect I will be the only person not surprised when it arrives a lot earlier than anticipated. It’s funny how Cindy has to go into Labour in order for me to take over Labour (snort.)

Right, that’s enough work for today I’m off to the Green Parrot.


Dear Diary

I am going to be one of the most stylish and professional looking Prime Ministers ever.

I have always dressed for the job that I wanted rather than the job I had.

I think young Cindy wants to be a suburban housewife.

Having the right name helps. Imagine if Mum had called me Barney (shudder) There is no future in politics for a Barney or a Cindy but Winston is a name that instils trust and respect! The little old ladies love me.

I’d teach the young one how to dress but I can’t see us spending much more time together in the near future.

Damn my glass is empty.

Right, time for my meeting at the Green Parrot.


Dear Diary I?feel like a drink I’ll?catch you later.

right, I’m back. have i ever told you how much you mean to me? you are the best diary…

you are going to be the Prime Minister’s diary soon.

Hush now little diary, come closer i wanna tell you something

Do you wanna know what my plans are?

well,?you?ll have to wait until it?s announced the same as everyone else, and frankly, it’s none of your business how many whiskeys i had!

I’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said that.

Okay, i will, tell you but only a little?bit.

I am not going to have to babysit little Cindy much longer. The silly sausage thinks she will be coming back after having her sprog but i have got news for her and it is all bad ha ha…

no more Mr nice Grandpa.

The young one thinks like a Checker player when I was playing Chess all along.