Ladybird books guide to experts: Part two

Continuing the guide from yesterday

Experts use special words

Because of all the computer problems, experts have started using special phrases to make people listen.

Using special phrases also means that the expert can save time. They can provide guidance without the cumbersome need for scientific proof.

These phrases include ?linked to?, ?increased risk of?, and ?possible that?.

For example, Sally Davies, the Government?s Chief Medical Officer says that ?when you look at a glass of wine, think about the increased risk of cancer?

This means that you must not enjoy wine when you drink it.

Listen carefully when you hear the phrase ?independent research shows?, ?the data tells us? or ?research indicates?.

For example, climate change experts say that the data tells us that flying to go on holiday will destroy the planet?.

This means that you must not enjoy your holiday.

Health experts

On some days, health experts tell us to eat less fat, meat, eggs, carbohydrates and sweets. On other days they say that we should eat more fat, meat, eggs, carbohydrates and sweet fruits.

So, it is best to write it all down on a calendar. Make a note of which foods to eat on which days and not make mistakes.

Alternatively, you can eat what you like. There is always an expert who has produced some research that will support your decision.



Alcohol experts

Sometimes grown-ups like to have a drink with friends or when watching box sets.

This is dangerous and you should ask mum and dad to consult the Department of Health (DoH) Guidelines.

The DoH guidelines are special rules drawn up by alcohol experts known as the Institute of Alcohol Studies and the Alcohol Health Alliance or the Modern Temperance Movement for short.

Now that vicars are not very popular, the Department of Health provides moral guidance on the problems of alcohol.

Experts have replaced the word ?evil? with the phrase ?negative health outcomes?. This is not very catchy and explains why most people still ignore them.



Smoking experts

Everybody knows that smoking is bad for your health.

So, why do some grown-ups still smoke?

Experts have concluded that people who smoke have different brains. They are unable to think for themselves and are easily tricked by shiny packets and glossy advertising.

Anti-smoking experts understand that smokers need to be lectured, scared and made poorer to stop them smoking.

Although lots of smokers have started vaping instead, experts are committed to their campaign. Next, they plan to stop the packets being shiny.

Experts understand people?s brains and shiny things.


? Andy Shaw, 2nd October 2016

Continued tomorrow