Wellington City Council’s flying circus

Last week I commented on the Wellington City Council’s inability to change a lightbulb. During the intervening days nothing has changed despite “working through the issue on both a strategic and operational level”, according to their spokesperson Victoria Barton-Chapple.

However, after some introspection and, I suspect, a call from headquarters by some senior socialist operative known only by the code name ‘Twyford’, an explanation has been offered. It appears the problem is one of ‘perception’. It’s because of winter, the gloom, and uhmm? the accompanying darkness. Quote.

The problems were not systematic but isolated to certain streets while the perception of the problem may have also been compounded by it being the middle of Winter and shaping up to be the darkest June in Wellington since 1982.?”A dark June will make these issues stand out.End of quote.

Mr Praline: Um… now look… now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. It is not because of gloomy June, it’s not because of sleepy Jean, and it ‘as nothing to do with the outlook for bleedin’ Thursday. The problem is the lights ‘ave snuffed it, they are demised, they’ve carked it in candlepowers, they are out, they are extinguished. They fail to display the single characteristic of their function. They do not illuminate, mate!

Wellington City Council: It’s the gloom, trust me.

Mr Praline: It’s the gloom? It’s the GLOOM? It’s not the gloom what makes the lack of lighting, m’lad; it’s the lack of lighting what makes the gloom so very, very, dark.

Wellington City Council: It’s your perception.

Mr Praline: It is not my perception. My perception is extraordinary. I perceive the lights are in brightness nullity, they are extinct, they ‘ave failed, they are no more, the phases ‘ave run down the wire with naughty neutrals and disappeared somewhere underground, they are gone, bereft of brilliance, they completely underachieve in the very reason for their bleedin’ existence. I perceive, quite correctly, that the lights are not working by their utter and very dullness.

Wellington City Council: Beau’iful, though, don’t ya think? They look great during daytime… that’s when they’re at their best. You should see them then. They’re magnificent…

Mr Praline: Never mind their daytime splendour, what are you doing about my nocturnal non-sightedness?

Wellington City Council: Look, it’s the 21st century, after all, and we have a 21st century answer: a Wellington City Council app you can download… for free… just by tapping your phone the screen will light up so you can see where you’re going…

Mr Praline: (bangs head repeatedly on counter).


by idbkiwi