Comedy corner: Non-PC jokes guaranteed to offend

Welcome to politically incorrect Comedy corner: the one place on Whaleoil where you are allowed to read and share naughty and offensive jokes that make us all laugh even though we are not supposed to. If you are offended by these kinds of jokes then please do not read this post.


An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bible
2. A silver dollar
3. A bottle of whiskey
4. A Playboy magazine.

“I’ll just hide behind the door,” the old preacher said to himself. “When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up.”

“If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!

“If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a business man and that would be okay, too.

“But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

“And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.”

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine’s centerfold.

“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher whispered. “He’s gonna run for Congress.”



During my check-up I asked the Doctor, “Do you think I’ll live a long and healthy life then?”

He replied, “I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now.”

I said, “I don’t go in for any of that astrology nonsense.”

He replied, “Neither do I. My thermometer just broke.”


Why do communists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper-tea is theft.


What is Communism?

The Polish say it’s the longest and most painful of the roads to capitalism.


What did communists use to light their homes with before using candles?

Electricity.


My love is like communism; Everyone gets a share, and it’s only good in theory.


Q: How does every Islamic joke start?

A: By looking over your shoulder.


Q: Did you hear about the Catholic Iraqi?

A: He was a Shite Muslim.


Q: What do you call a drunken Muslim?

A: Mohammered.


Q: What do Muslim men do during foreplay?

A: Tickle the goat under the chin.



Religious Shit

Taoism Shit happens.

Buddhism If shit happens, it’s not really shit.

Islam If shit happens, it’s the will of Allah.

Protestantism Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.

Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us?

Hinduism This shit happened before.

Catholicism Shit happens because you’re bad.

Hare Krishna Shit happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism Send more shit.

Atheism No shit.

Jehova’s Witness Knock knock, shit happens.

Hedonism There’s nothing like a good shit happening.

Christian Science Shit happens in your mind.

Agnosticism Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t.

Rastafarianism Let’s smoke this shit.

Existentialism What is shit anyway?

Stoicism This shit doesn’t bother me.

 

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