In depth report from a newspaper: Why women’s toilet queues are longer than men’s

Finally an in depth study into why women’s toilet queues are longer.

That’s right folks, you heard it here first. A ‘former newspaper of record and now tabloid’ has finally worked out why women’s toilet queues are longer than those found in men’s toilets!

In what can only be described as a supreme triumph of laziness over effort, the newspaper has reprinted verbatim, what may be the dumbest article ever.

After reading the enticing heading, ‘Why queues for women’s toilets are longer than men’s’, I felt I had a duty to take one for the team and delve into what must be an enlightening document to see what new scientific revelations have been brought to light by their ‘trained and skilled reporters’.

After all, the original article was written by?Lisel O’Dwyer, who is apparently an Adjunct Senior Lecturer, School of Social and Policy Studies,?Flinders University!

Well, I’m sorry to say, it wasn’t worth my time. Or yours, so to save you the embarrassment of having to click on the newspaper’s website and delve into their ‘Lifestyle’ section where you might accidentally come across other Dizzie Lizzie dribble, here is a summary of the article, and the definitive answer as to why the queues outside women’s toilets are longer than men’s.

  1. Women take on average 90 seconds to pee, men only take 60.
  2. 20% of women between 12 and 52 will at any given time be menstruating.
  3. Women are more likely to have bladder infections.
  4. Women wear more layers of clothes and carry handbags.
  5. Men can pee anywhere.
  6. There are more urinals in men’s loos so more guys can go at once.

Guys can just whip it out wherever apparently.

So there you have it. I am so glad that the Adjunct Senior Lecturer went to the time and trouble to identify the root cause of the problem. I hope she received a massive governmental grant to assist her with her clearly very important research.

Who would’ve thought that the reasons for this terrible social affliction would be so simple?

You can apparently fit more urinals into a room than thrones.

I for one will be forever thankful to the newspaper for enlightening me, I am now just that little bit wiser. And perhaps, you are too.

Thanks, NZ Herald, you are leading the way when it comes to ablution reporting.