Man flu is real

Gentlemen! You have known it for years, and now finally?Stuff?has confirmed it. Man flu is a real condition, and it is not sufficiently recognised. You do not get the sympathy you deserve when suffering from it, and now there is a campaign to get it the public recognition it deserves.

But you always knew that you were being wronged, didn’t you? quote:

I’m pretty concerned that our public health officials haven’t focused on what is clearly one of the biggest illnesses facing a large part of the population.

In fact, in lieu of their oversight, I am planning to start my own public health campaign.

This promotion will be both for the victims of this serious illness, and their carers ? although to date I have not found many people who do care.

There is clearly a very dangerous and unkind misunderstanding about this malady. end quote

Yes, you guessed it. We are talking about man flu here.

Not leprosy. Not arthritis. Not asthma. Not diabetes. Man flu. quote:

Firstly, I will be crowd-sourcing funding for the campaign which will focus on my target audience ??those who have succumbed to the disease and were not suitably supported by their family. end quote

Which will undoubtedly be every man on the planet. quote

I will be tapping into a widely established number of support groups in man-sheds and sports clubs to get the word out.

I will however, use Twitter to connect with politicians and media starting with teaser tweets such as ‘it’s real’ and ‘don’t tell me to toughen up’ before eventually revealing the topic with links to the campaign website. end quote

Of course, it’s real. With the number of sufferers in the world, how could it not be? quote

Supporters will show their affiliation to the cause by wearing a snot green ribbon throughout the campaign. The ribbons will be large, wide and soft and double as a tissue if needed.

Early research indicates that there’s a lot of work to do building public awareness.

Family members need to understand that victims really do not have the strength to sit up in bed and read, answer their emails or do the online supermarketing. Watching Netflix however, is seemingly, therapeutic. end quote

Of course. All that is involved in that is using the remote control. And well – that is every man’s domain. They can do that while asleep. quote:

Callously, currently there is no cure except to ride it out. Victims must simply stay in bed, groan regularly and give out a timely wail when anyone dares to approach. end quote.

If they have the strength to even do that, of course. Although most seem to manage it, particularly the groaning bit. quote:

Extraordinarily man flu is not fatal, despite the fact that its victims often declare weakly that they think it might be. end quote.

Sometimes there is doubt that the victim will actually make it through the night. But, unfortunately, they just about always do. quote

I am fighting this cause because it has wider implications for the economy. Man flu recently struck in our house bringing the productivity of a portion of our family to its knees. The rest of us were forced to avoid a corner of the house and wear earplugs to shut out the groaning. end quote.

The lack of sympathy here is absolutely shocking. Does she not realise that this condition is real? It has been endorsed by?The British Medical Journal. There can be no more denying it. quote:

In time, I am hoping to take the model of catteries and kennels and gather enough support to build a series of ‘man-flueries’ around the country so that at the first onset of man-flu, the victims can be whisked away to an infirmary until they are cured. end quote.

Now that is a really good idea. They can all receive the same treatment at once. And these places will be staffed entirely by women, of course. Because, as everyone knows, women can’t catch it. Perfect.

Man-flueries? Surely we can come up with a better name than that. Asylums? Sanitariums? Aimed mostly at the mental health of the family members rather than the afflicted.

And the asylums can have the walls lined with power tools and socket sets to remind the patients that life after man flu is worth waiting for.

Bear in mind, though, that there are circumstances in which man flu is life-threatening. It is usually directly related to the tolerance of the man in question’s caregiver.?Particularly the female variety.

So, gentlemen, there you have it. Man flu is real and we are all acknowledging it. You will no longer suffer alone. But watch out for that pillow coming in the direction of your face in the middle of the night. You are not imagining it. It is purely intended to put you out of your misery. You, and everyone associated with you at the same time.