Playing laser tag while Melbourne burns

Photoshopped image credit: Lushington.? Caption: Victoria Police with their latest weaponry in the fight against African crime.

Well, they?ve tried disappointed looks and a good talking-to, they?ve tried apologising for Australia?s outrageous generosity. They?ve even tried doing nothing at all. Strangely, none of that has somehow managed to convince brutal African gangs to desist from their reign of terror.

So, now the walloppers are rolling out the big guns. Quote:

Victorian Police have revealed a new arsenal of new non-lethal weapons to help its public order squad tame unruly crowds, including guns which fire gel pellets and capsicum dust, as well as paint balls which can help identify criminals involved in public disorder. End of quote.

Nerf guns and paintballs? Well, that might work if trouble breaks out at the local indoor play centre. I?ve seen squabbles at the Bouncy Castle that can get pretty nasty. African gangs, on the other hand, tend to display a level of lethality and vicious disdain for authority than even the most vicious brat lining up a shot in the ball pit.

Anyway, if the rozzers need help identifying the rioters, here?s a helpful hint: they?re the ones ?of African appearance?. Quote:

But police deny their decision to unveil the new weapons today has anything to do with a frightening brawl on Sunday morning in Collingwood, in which 200 youths ran amok and a car into a crowd of pedestrians.

?Now?s the right time because we?ve been looking at this for a number of years ? to get this sort of equipment you can?t buy it on eBay,? Assistant Commissioner Chris O?Neill said. End of quote.

That?s right. You have to go to Toys?R?Us. They might even sell Keystone Kops uniforms, too.

But, who are they kidding that this isn?t a face-saving exercise, after the latest African riot? Vic Police know they?ve been made to look like fools. Now, it seems they?re going all-out to look like fools. Quote:

The new weapons include a semiautomatic ?Pepper Ball? rifle and specialist, armoured vehicles, which are designed to work alongside existing units including mounted police, the air wing and dog squad.

The Pepper Ball rifle can fire three types of ammunition, including capsicum dust which works like mace, as well as gel balls which are likened to foam squash balls, and a type of paint ball which can mark its targets for easier identification in the investigation process?Officers within the squad will also be trained in coming weeks to use hand held munitions, which operate a lot like grenades but spill out soft pellets. End of quote.

Caption: The Riot Squad show off their new armoured vehicle.

Heaven forbid they arm the police with real guns. Someone might get hurt. It’s all fun and games until someone loses a leg.

As Australian reader ?John? commented: capsicum spray and pepper balls. Sounds like they will be attacking the rioters with Chinese takeaway.