Comedy corner: Non-PC jokes guaranteed to offend

Advice

Welcome to politically incorrect Comedy corner: the one place on Whaleoil where you are allowed to read and share naughty and offensive jokes that make us all laugh even though we are not supposed to. If you are offended by these kinds of jokes then please do not read this post.

Hero cat alerts homeowner that house is on fire
Dirty out of context comic panels

One day two best friends Matthew and Colin were walking through the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Matthew’s leg and bit his dick, since no one was around for miles Colin called a hospital and told the doctor”Quick Quick I need your help my friend got bit by a snake on his penis” the doctor told him “Son you’re gonna have to suck the venom out yourself” Colin asked” Please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom” The doctor says “Sorry there’s nothing we can do” So Colin goes running to his friend and when he gets there Matthew says with pain ” So what did the doctor say?” Colin says” Doctor said you’re gonna die” 

Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see that the jews are fallin’ victim to temptation.” Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, “What a terrible pity… one of the girls must be quite ill.” 

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/ethnicjokes/brotheljoke.html

He looks pooped out

69: Two can Chou

That’s not right: Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?: Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP: Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man: Dum Gai

Small Horse: Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?: Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table: Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift: Chin Tu Fat

It’s very dark in here: Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet: Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone: No Pah King

You are not very bright: Yu So Dum

I got this for free: Ai No Pei

Please stay a while longer: Wai Go Nao?

Stay out of sight: Lei Lo

He’s cleaning his automobile: Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive: Yu Stin Ki Pu 

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/ethnicarchive/learningchinesejoke.html

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