It ain’t half cool, Mum

Caption: No, these are not satire.

An old Monty Python sketch, ?The Royal Nay Vee?, has that formerly stodgy bastion of British tradition and discipline going all-out to be cool and hip, to appeal to the Yoof. As an immaculately white-clad lieutenant commander dons Ray Bans, smokes dope, and mumbles about ?the fascist press?, an excitable commodore leaps on-screen, declaring that, ?The Navy is Out Of Sight! Come together with the RN! It really is Something Other Than Else!? Then it cuts to a psychedelic, rock?n?roll recruitment ad, with the slogan: Can you dig it, man?

Ha ha, like, droll, baby.

Now, Baby Boomer satire has become Millennial reality. Quote:

What would an old-style sergeant major say? After telling soldiers it was all right to cry, the Army is now seeking recruits from the snowflake generation.

Its new poster campaign appeals to computer game geeks and selfie addicts.

The adverts, unveiled today, are inspired by the famous First World War poster featuring a pointing Lord Kitchener and the slogan ?Your country needs you?. End of quote.

There?s a key difference, though: Kitchener?s Army didn?t need to pander to the ?I Am Special? generation by stroking their egos. Back then, their country had a need, and that was all they needed to know. Quote:

Part of a ?1.5million recruitment campaign for 2019, they show six soldiers with labels of modern stereotypes, such as ?phone zombies? and ?class clowns? above the slogan ?Your Army needs you?.

The aim is to sign up millennials with compassion, self-belief and focus to boost falling numbers and widen the base of Britain?s 79,000-strong Army.

The campaign is a follow-up to last year?s ?1.6million recruitment drive that featured adverts saying it was fine for soldiers to cry, pray and show emotion. It resulted in applications to be a regular soldier hitting a five-year high. End of quote.


They may get the numbers, but will they get soldiers worth spit?

Most likely they?ll end up with a bunch of skiving narcissists like Armstrong and Miller?s Millennial Pilots, whining that they can?t wear their ?well hardcore? trousers: ?I isn?t allowed, or something. They ain?t uniform or something. And I can only wear uniform?. ?That?s so unfair. That?s, like, massively disrepecting your trousers.?

They might even get the sort of nancy-boy who sues the army because of cold weather.

As Windsor Davies? Sergeant Major would bellow: Youse is not men! Youse is poofters!

Caption: Becoming a mocking meme was probably not the outcome Army recruiters hoped for.