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Ve Vil Al Be Speking German?

Taking only five years to develop, this is how it all transpired:

……the European Commission announced that English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German. German was the second choice.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement. A five year phase-in plan was accepted that would eventually become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.

Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”.

This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik?enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”.

This will make words like fotograf a lot shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords?kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi?bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

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