The elusive Cletorious

Caption: Rumour has it that she wanted to convert to Islam, but she was afraid that her family would cut her off.

It?s a common perception that some African Americans can have an idiosyncratic approach to baby names, although not entirely fair. The most common black American baby names are pretty ordinary fare: Gabrielle, Kiara, Cameron, Jordan, and Nathan. Meanwhile, whiteys are just as guilty of naming their kids weird stuff like Heavyn, Rylie, Bylan and JayDee.

Nevertheless, alongside the common ?black? names like Shanika, DeShawn and Rashonda, there are truly ghetto oddities like the eight-plus spelling variations of Unique, or perhaps Temptress.

But the most epically ghetto name ever was recently unveiled to the world by the Virginia Department of Corrections, who published a Wanted notice on Facebook for one Cletorious Aretha Fry.

Cletorious violated her probation by removing her ankle bracelet and vanishing from her home in Charlottesville.

But, as you can imagine, Facebook users had a field day with her?unusual name. Because all the good jokes have already been taken by Facebook wags, I?ll just quote some of the best. But do yourself a favour and have a look at the original post: it?s a comedy goldmine. Quote:

Y?all oughta stop. I?m sure she?s super sensitive.

Someone rubbed her the wrong way?

I?ll bet she?s hiding in a bush somewhere.

Did they check behind the curtains?

The subject has Dark brown curly hair Last seen wearing a pink hooded sweatshirt. End of quote.

Some were topical: Quote:

Its 2019, she’s probably identifying by Dick now.

Suspect last known to have curly hair but may have gone bald in an attempt to look Brazilian. End of quote.

Then there are the word-plays. Quote:

Ask her friend Gen where she is? Gen-il-tell-yah.

Oh her? Urethra Franklin?s cousin?

Wherever she is, I?m sure she?s labiaing low for a while. Have they checked the cameras at local cervix stations?

Obviously she?s has risen above having an extremely unfortunate name. I?m just sad to see her fallopian down the wrong path. End of quote.

Then there is the mockery of men?s legendary inability to find her namesake. Quote:

She is safe?men can never find her.

That one time a guy finds it and he names a kid after it.

She may be hiding out in the Hood.

I think I know where she?s at. I just can?t put my finger on it?

We finally have a picture! Saddle up, boys, we know what we are looking for now!

I think some of you are confusing the sisters. Cletorious isn’t hard to find but her sister Geespoticus seems to be more elusive. End of quote.

You almost have to feel sorry for some of the punsters: some comments have racked up to 31 000 Likes. That?s a lotta notifications. But if anyone deserves pity, it?s this poor woman. Quote:

My husband didnt get the joke?send help. End of quote.

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