Comedy corner: Non-PC jokes guaranteed to offend

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Welcome to politically incorrect Comedy corner: the one place on Whaleoil where you are allowed to read and share naughty and offensive jokes that make us all laugh even though we are not supposed to. If you are offended by these kinds of jokes then please do not read this post.

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1961 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell. ‘Oh, come on in!’ Peggy Sue’s mother said as she welcomed Fred in have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?
Lemonade? Iced tea?
‘Iced tea, please,’ Fred said.
Mum brought in the iced tea. ‘So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?’ she asked.
‘Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach?’
‘Peggy likes to screw, you know,’ Mum informed him.
‘Really?’ Fred replied, his eyebrows rising.
‘Oh yes,’ the mother continued, ‘When she goes out with her friends, that’s all they
do! Screw, again and again!!’
‘Is that so?’ asked Fred, incredulous.
‘Yes,’ said the mother. ‘As a matter of fact, she’d screw all night if we let her!’
‘Well, thanks for the tip!’ Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a Picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hooped skirt and with her hair tied back in a bouncy Ponytail. She greeted Fred.
‘Have fun, kids!’ the mother said as they left.
Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
“The Twist, Mum!” she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. “The f**king dance is called the Twist!!!”

A man walks into Victoria ‘s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks ( she’s no dummy ), I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, but I’ll do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.’
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!”
3 minutes later he never heard the shot.
Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin