Mates & Dates: Let’s roleplay consent

This is the final article in a series of four articles that have exposed the ideology behind the New Zealand Mates & Dates programme. The series’ purpose is to reveal the information hidden from New Zealand parents and the general public.

The ‘sexual and dating violence’ programme Mates & Dates has been opened up for scrutiny.

Many concerning facts about the programme have already been covered, such as

  1. Gender being taught as a continuum and children being told that they can be ?male, female, neither or both?.
  2. Children being taught that gender is not influenced by biology but is entirely socially constructed
  3. Children being taught that stereotypical behaviour perpetuates and excuses violence.

Former facilitators have described some content as being deliberately ?kept quiet?, because the authors know it is controversial.

Mates & Dates Part 4: Let?s Roleplay consent

One last issue with this programme is the issue of consent.

Teaching respect and consent negotiation is a good thing.

There are many dysfunctional families who do not teach healthy boundaries and respect to their boys and girls.

We can see this from the RoastBusters scandal that rocked the media a few years ago. The term ?Rape culture? went mainstream, but ours is a culture that harshly punishes rape. Most men would agree it?s unacceptable to do what those boys did and would like to see them jailed.

This is hardly a ‘culture’ of rape; it?s more a tiny sub-stratum of boys that do terrible things. Much like the tiny sub-stratum of women who commit infanticide. A South African study reveals that 100% of all neonaticides of babies under 28 days were perpetrated by the mother, and 71% of all killings of children under 5 years old were committed by their mother.

We don?t vilify all women for the crimes of those few: that would be sick and immoral. Neither should we vilify all men and boys for the crimes of a few.

The messages in Mates & Dates around consent, sexting and internet safety messages are worthy of a little credit, despite the criticism we must level at the remainder of the programme. Namely: gender theory, or self-identification of gender.

The general public are, for the most part, ignorant of what gender theory teaches.

When a parent approaches their school for information on the content, and even on, only bullet point headings are available.

Bullet point headings give insufficient evidence for parents new to these ideas to make a fully informed decision. Especially when they do not understand these radical new ideas and redefined terms.

The term ?gender stereotypes? would likely be understood by most people to be simply addressing who is expected to wash the dishes, drive the car, cook tea or go to work, not a radical social constructionist theory asserting that gender roles perpetuate and excuse violence.

The reality is that they are not educating kids about equal rights for boys and girls, or mutual respect.

The objective is instead to influence both boys and girls into being less stereotypically male or female. This is the objective of the ?gender transformative approach?.

In order to achieve this, the programme intentionally causes kids to question their gender and their expression of gender with misleading and manipulative activities and role playing.

If a child comes forward for help from the facilitator, there is a process whereby the facilitator refers them to external agencies. This could be a positive thing in the case of sexual abuse; however, among other agencies officially recognised by Mates & Dates are those such as RainbowYouth.

RainbowYouth provides an exhaustive list of local LGBT support groups, with links for the kids to join their Facebook pages and find the ‘drop-in’ meetings.

Psychologists are well aware that ‘‘social contagion’ is a strong factor in transgenderism. By connecting with other kids who may already be using breast binders or are on puberty blockers the first steps to ‘transition’ are made.

In the full list of websites officially recommended by Mates & Dates, the familiar face of Scarleteen, from the highly controversial  ?SAFE Schools? programme, emerges.

Mates & Dates Facilitation manual Page 34

Scarleteen provides a practical ?how to guide? on everything from using electric toothbrushes and food to masturbate with, through to advice on how to ask your partner for more ?kink? such as choking, bondage and domination.

How can  parents give informed consent for this sort of information, when all they are shown is a superficial and deceptive header of ?gender stereotypes??

On paper, the Mates & Dates class exercises all appear to have no direct sexual content, and the literature itself says it?s not a sexuality education programme. There should, therefore, be no reason for Scarleteen to be given as a potential resource. It?s not possible to rule out these things being discussed when the ?question box? gets opened each lesson.

Mates&Dates Facilitator Manual, Page 142-145, Year 12

The Roleplay:

Character cards are given to Year 12 children, and they are then asked to roleplay as these characters in front of the class.

  • Marion is bisexual and had 12 sexual partners by age of 16. Often has unprotected drunk sex.
  • Rita is a lesbian that wants to ?come out?.
  • Louise is a lesbian who has had 2 female partners, and has also had sex with 2 men.
  • Matiu wants to lose his virginity
  • Jase has had 10 sexual partners, all with women.
  • Doug wants to wait until he?s married and believes sex is special.
  • Simone was sexually abused by her father

At the end of the roleplay the facilitator is to check if the child has ?slipped into some hidden state of distress and is disassociating?.

The fact this is even a possibility highlights the inappropriateness of such an exercise.

We need to ask ourselves whether we are comfortable with our children participating in this roleplay. This comes down to personal opinion; however parents cannot make that decision if they are not being fully informed that this is even happening.

Mates & Dates is designed with the intent to alter a child’s perception of their gender and the world in which they live. It is not fact-based and neutral education; it is indoctrination.

Gender, Sexism and Social Activism, Page4, Octavia Calder-Dawe

How can parents consent, if they don?t know it?s happening?

The great irony of Mates & Dates is its claim to value consent.

It took three months and an Official Information Act request to get this information, which should be freely available to any parent at any time.

Discussion with a facilitator has revealed that the American ?PlannedParenthood? resource ?FRIES? is used.


Parents are not being fully informed of specific class content when they enquire.

Consent is also reversible and therefore we must reverse any consent that may be implied by our previous silence.

We must speak out against this radical indoctrination program and make it abundantly clear, we do not consent to gender ideology being taught in our schools.


Mates & Dates facilitation manual.

ACC6993 Scenario Cards 12.3a (1).pdf 

Part one.
Part two.
Part three.