Sure to sink in a sea of taxes

By Brian Rodgers

We take a keen interest in the environment and spend a lot of  time monitoring temperatures, sea levels and other indicators of  global change.

Okay, that could also be called fishing. But what happens when a fisherman doesn?t catch anything? We like to call it ?taking frozen pilchards for a ride in the boat?.

The by-product of all this time on the water, and at the water?s edge, however, means that we have amassed huge experience of sea level fluctuations.

My studies are modelled on those of the famous researcher Zac Brown, who described his work as: ?I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand, not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand. Life is good today…?

There is no mention in any of Zac?s research notes that his toes, or other parts of his legs, are getting any further in the water; nor that his ass is getting close to being wet. So no sign of sea level rise there. Pretty conclusive, huh? His report exactly matches our experience.

More conclusions

My own research conclusions are quite clear – we can see that the climate is definitely showing signs that working people are not being taxed enough.

In fact, there?s a direct relationship between the acceleration of climate change and the increasing tax take.

The climate/tax burden is also taking its toll on the taxpayers, which are heading for extinction. There are fewer, paying more and at this rate the last one will be eaten by a Takahe just after morning tea, on  July 25, 2026.

Here is a graph of my findings, showing the rate of tax increases in red and the rate of climate change in blue.

The odd bump in the graph is not actually anything to do with climate fluctuations, but because of the sensitivity of our equipment, it has registered the shockwaves caused by the New Zealand First leader slamming Jacinda?s door on the way out, after robust Capital Gains Tax discussions.

Windscreen creep

Some drivers could be excused for assuming the sea is rising, as they see the water level creep up their windscreen while negotiating the Elizabeth Street intersection. It is, in fact, an enthusiastic windscreen washer pouring water onto your car, whether you like it or not.

The water is not the creep, in this case.

There?s been a huge outpouring of commentary on this subject on SunLive. Here at RR the answer is clear. It?s illegal and should be stopped. It?s illegal for good reason. It?s dangerous, distracting and intimidating to some drivers. The rest of us can?t blink without being pulled up for even the smallest misdemeanours.

The law abiding, tax-paying folk get slammed every time they put a foot wrong. Stay in a carpark for a minute or two over the time you?ve paid for. Forget to pay your car rego, pinged when it?s a few days overdue. Charged for using water. Yet some tax dodging bludger can hopscotch around your car, use your rate-paid water, duck the law and get away with it?

Clean your own

Drivers should rightly object to this nonsense and solve part of the problem by cleaning their own car windscreen. I do mine every time while filling up at the gas station. Plus a few other basic safety checks on tyres, WOF and rego dates. That way, your windscreen shouldn?t need cleaning by a shyster running the gauntlet at the lights.

I won?t pay anything to anyone, knowing they?re dodging tax, while I?m paying them out of tax-paid earnings.

I would pay cash, however, to watch a couple of guys tackle these idiots. The lawman certainly doesn?t seem interested in doing so.

More water

And speaking of water, there?s a chance it may be raining this weekend as you read this. Here?s some great advice thanks to Papamoa philosopher Greg Taylor:

As it has been quite a while, just a friendly reminder to people that what you are experiencing at the moment or in the very near future is a natural phenomenon called Rain ? A couple of things you may want to be aware of:

1. Standing Outside ? should you happen to do this, you may find yourself getting wet. Don?t be alarmed as it is similar to what you may experience when indoors having a shower ? but please do not remove your clothes ? Thank You.

2. Driving ? On the right or left of your steering wheel you will find a mechanism called a Wiper … By flicking this, water will be moved off your windscreen … However, if you happen to flick the lever on the other side, known as the indicator, this will then let other people know which direction you are going ? That lever may also be a first for some of you ? Thank You

3. Danger ? Should this thing called rain continue for quite some length of time, you may see a large boat appear. Pets are most welcome aboard but it is on a first come, first serve basis with only two of each being accepted ? Thank You. Greg Taylor

Parting thoughts

This week?s words of wisdom from avid reader, George Bernard Shaw:

?A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.?