‘White superiority? might be part of you; lady, it has no part in me

Dame Anne Salmond was the 2013 New Zealander of the Year.

Feel sorry for Anne ?White superiority is part of us? Salmond. Her vile ramble on Stuff was almost as unprofessional as her several books and tawdry history re-writes.

?White superiority? might be part of you; lady, it has no part in me.

She was uninterested, uninformed and ignorant of all things Maori until her ?road to Damascus? moment when visiting America in the sixties as a teenager.

Yes, the nineteen-sixties when hardly anybody from Aotearoa travelled State-side. The only passages to that place were within reach of just a select few, those that could afford to send their daughter both to expensive Solway College as a boarder and then to the northern hemisphere as passenger aboard an emission-rich ocean liner.

A passage was only procurable with possession of that rare commodity, well out-of-reach of the average New Zealander, ?overseas funds?. Oh, how she must have suffered.

Burdened with that legacy of hardship, the good dame obviously empathises with the down-trodden.

Spitting bile into her silver spoon, Salmond informs us her peer group; ?Eminent New Zealanders? (like her) ?assure their fellows that M?ori were “lucky” to be colonised by Europeans, that te reo M?ori is worthless, that tikanga M?ori have nothing to teach us.? At which I can only gasp, and suggest she get better dinner party guests. Why does she go on like this? Does she not understand that this country was colonised by the British, and that Britain is not Europe? No wonder she succeeded in anthropology, but not so much in geography.

Then the Dame informs us, with a straight face, ?Others simply assume that ancestral legacies from Europe are superior to those from the Pacific ? in the law, science, social and cultural life.? Surely, then, such an egalitarian, such a cultural relativist, would never, ever, accept an actual ancestral legacy, a piffle, a token, pure cultural bling, a ?title? such as the anachronistic-sounding ?Commander of the Order of the British Empire?. If she did she would be right-royally and richly hypocritical wouldn?t she?

Surely, when viewed in the remarkable dullness of her scribblings, and because she can?t tell the difference, the gong should read ?European Empire?, but then people would laugh at the poor old bird, for such a thing never existed.

Next ol? Anne gets talking truthfully, something I applaud: ?The doctrine of white superiority is based on arrogance, and ignorance.? Well; I can?t argue with the Dame Commander of the British Empire on that count, she has a dung-load of arrogance and ignorance on display, a stinking heap.

This is followed by a masterpiece of imagined misinformation, I nearly died laughing, so completely and historically wrong that only a self-indulgent distinguished professor could even pretend it was true and try to get away with it:

when a group of his men were sacrificed in Queen Charlotte Sound, Cook commented of M?ori: “I have always found them of a Brave, Noble, Open and benevolent disposition, devoid of treachery, but they will never put up with an insult if they have an opportunity to resent it.”

Oh! Anne, Annie, please stop it. Everybody, but everybody, knows Cook was deep in the Antarctic Ocean on board good ship ?Resolution? at the time the incident involving the crew of ?Adventure? under the command of Tobias Furneaux, occurred in quaintly-named Cannibal Cove on 17th December, 1773. Everybody except you it seems.

Cook was completely ignorant of the affair, he was close to Latitude 65? S, where, a few days before, he had ?passed by a very large island of ice?. That?s a bloody long way from the Marlborough Sounds m?dear. Seems geography is definitely not your thing.

But never mind; Anne, just keep droning on about the horrific racism you encounter and witness in your elite social and family circles, rattle your jewels in anger, pour yourself one more aperitif to calm yourself down and meantime just keep making stuff up; it?s worked for you so far.