Dressing up & dressing downs

By Brian Rogers

The parade of silly hats: We?ve noticed an increasing trend amongst politicians to dress up for the camera for the purpose of dramatic effect.

No longer is it enough to turn up to an event or announcement wearing a pin stripe suit or flattering skirt. These days, politicians are milking any opportunity to dress for effect, using whatever props might catch a bit more attention. It?s an insult to the intelligence of the average voter.

On the television news we were insulted with yet another parade of politicians at a press conference about housing, all topped off in hard hats. Now unless press conferences have become a lot rowdier than when I last attended, or the group was off next to a ?Village People? concert, there was really no need for that rabble to be wearing hard hats. (And if they were going to Village People, why was no one dressed as the Indian? Racists.)

The politicians had obviously left the building site, if in fact they?d ever been there. Suits and hard hats are a silly combination. You can guarantee they were not wearing steel-cap boots or conforming to any other Health and Safety codes. Just the helmets to talk to a camera ? the only risk of a head injury being perhaps a stray microphone boom potentially knocking a noggin or messing up their well-groomed hair.

Any sensible person can see there was zero risk of a construction injury the moment they shuffled into the viewfinder to prattle their political spin. That should have been the moment some intelligent person declared the threat to cranial trauma was no longer present and, for the sake of reality and to avoid looking like complete pontificating chumps, the crash helmets could be removed, or at least tucked under an arm.

Please, do not let them stoop to the level of parading a builder?s crack.

Brought to a head

But no, there?s an inbuilt need inside every politician to grandstand and look like they might actually know what they?re talking about.

It?s not the first time we?ve seen headgear used for dramatic effect on the news, and some of it can be interpreted as quite cynical. Many viewers were affronted over the prime minister?s deployment of a head scarf in the
aftermath of the Christchurch mosque massacre despite her not being of the faith. Was it a sympathetic acknowledgement or, as some cynics claim, attempting to use a tragedy for political effect? Some go further, claiming the head coverings are symbolic of women?s repression: something these politicians rally against. I leave that for you to decide.

Stage managed

I can understand the use of, say, hair caps and overalls while a politician is touring inside a food processing plant. Or sterile gloves while handling dangerous or sensitive items, or protective gear while actually partaking in a possibly hazardous environment. But posing on flat ground at a press conference on a roadside is stage-managed bullshittery.

If anyone needed to wear protective clothing to events, it would have to be National MPs entering the grounds of Waitangi, as there is a clear and present danger of them being hit by offensive projectiles: objects such as clods of earth and flying personal pleasuring devices. The current batch of ministers haven?t been targeted with quite the same variety or venom and, unless someone develops a bulldust containment suit anytime soon, they shouldn?t worry about playing dress ups and further insulting the intelligence of the voting masses.

Special kind of Hell

Meanwhile, in other ill-advised public performances, Aussie rugby celebrity Israel Folau has created his own special kind of hell with a posting on social media condemning drunks, homosexuals, adulterers, liars, fornicators, thieves, atheists and idolaters? declaring Hell awaits them.

Ironic that in the same week, golf idol Tiger Woods, who probably ticks many of those boxes, made one of the most spectacular comebacks in sporting and celebrity history.

We wonder how the tweet from Tiger to Israel went? ?Maaaate, it was sheer hell putting on my Green Jacket this morning!?

Other sins to choose from

Meanwhile, one of RR?s researchers has pointed out that Izzy?s outburst forgot to mention a few other important sins:

?Gluttony: The sin of scoffing?

Sloth: The sin of deadest laziness?

Envy: That ugly and pointless thing we call jealousy?

Wrath: when people piss you off?

Lust: Uncontrollable lechering, gazing on a fine form and wanting?

Pride: walking around in designer crocs.

And multi-marriage.

I would need extra boxes. So I am bound for hell.?

That?s it for this week, folks. Remember to stay safe out there over Easter. Wear your hard hat while smashing out those Easter eggs and, if you?re going straight to hell, at least enjoy the ride.