Thousands of criminals at the stroke of a pen

Call 0900?
A satirical post, using the final few days of free speech in New Zealand, to poke borax at the current gun law changes.

The speed of the gun ban has meant the creation of thousands of criminals at the stroke of a pen.
What to do?
Nobody, least of all the police, know what to do.

The gangs won’t be handing in their already illegal firearms (except the ones used in shootings where forensic evidence may exist, and usefully, the police will destroy these firearms for them!) So what do the legal owners do? There has been not a dicky bird about how much and how the fair market value compensation will be paid. This has created a vacuum. Nature abhors a vacuum!

So up step the gangs. No more sieg heil, no more swastikas. Riding the feel-good factor like a Harley, gangs are now offering a new service. Phone 0900 Mongrel Mob to get your AR firearms appraised and picked up. Handily, the husky voice on the phone promises a neutral pick up location and 20% more cash than market value.

Gang strategy: You are NOW a criminal, we are criminals – let’s do business!

Police investigations have been stymied because a major stumbling block has been the 0900 number demanding upfront payment of $99 – fully refundable once the deal is done ? but nonetheless $99! This is a master stroke by the gangs, as no police officer can get sign off on the $99 0900 extravagance without a 3-week paper war and a signed permission slip from the commissioner.

The SIS and GCSB have been neutered by the Marxist Greens so they are of little help. In the SIS the famous Pies and Penthouse magazine scandal has meant that their permission slip for dialling an 0900 number must be signed by the minister!

Capitalism means competition, and just announced on Facebook, the 0900 Killer Bees want all those with newly illegal .22?s!
These are the .22?s with tube magazines, where you thought you were okay but you are now a criminal! Why? Because the police can pop round to your place, stuff in more than 10 rounds of .22 short into your .22 tube mag. BINGO! You win a holiday in the chokey. That?s right, it’s lever actions, pump actions, semi-autos, all those .22 tube mag rifles!

Tomorrow it will be newly banned ammunition, all at the whim of the GG (or is that really the PM?). But you don?t need to worry; cartridge collectors and collector?s clubs all maintain address lists of members which the police can use to lock up all those dastardly crims!

In further news, the police are using their 3 week wait for the commissioner’s 0900 permission slip rather well. They have deployed special squads on Orwellian hunts of the law-abiding who made sarcastic comments, or any comment, on their Facebook accounts about the gun ban or who dared question the wisdom of New Zealand signing the UN migration pact.

Oh no! It?s late! Who can it be knocking at my door?