Comedy corner: Non-PC jokes guaranteed to offend


Welcome to politically incorrect Comedy corner: the one place on Whaleoil where you are allowed to read and share naughty and offensive jokes that make us all laugh even though we are not supposed to. If you are offended by these kinds of jokes then please do not read this post

The Cowboy Boots

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are “Seniors” in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.                                                                                                              

Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.                                                                  

He walks into the house and says to his wife, “notice anything  different about me?”                                                                

Bessie looks up from her knitting and gives him a once over before saying, “Nope.”                                           

Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.                     

Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different now?”                                                                     

Bessie sighs, folds her knitting across her lap and says, “Ray, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”                     

Furious, Ray yells, “DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT’S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!”                                      

To which Bessie replies with a cat-like grin, “Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Ya shoulda bought a “hat”.

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. 
He goes up to the nurse and demands that she open the sperm bank vault.
She says “But sir, its just a sperm bank!”, “I don’t care, open it now!” he orders.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.

The guy says “Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!”, she looks 
at him “BUT, they are sperm samples?” “DO IT!”. So the nurse sucks it back.
“That one there, drink that one as well.”, so the nurse drinks that one as well. 
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says

“See honey – its not that hard.”

A man and a woman start to have sex in the middle of a dark patch of NZ bush. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a torch!”
The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”