The tale of the wicked giant. Pt 3

Sir Bob Jones. Still cleverer than your average journalist.

The Tale of the Wicked Giant, Part 3. (If you’ve missed the previous instalments, just click on ExPFC in blue at the bottom of the page to catch up).


The people were not pleased and many did not give the full amount and some gave nothing at all so that often Government found he still did not have enough.

Also Government had discovered that the helpers were costing much more than just their wages for they were inventing expensive new schemes which were known as pipe dreams. This idea came from another far-off land called China where some of the people there occasionally smoked pipes that gave them wondrous dreams of a paradise where everything was free.

To add to Government’s difficulties he found that as well as their pipe dreams, the helpers were employing many assistant helpers and erecting expensive buildings to do their helping in and were travelling all over New Zealand to hold Conferences where they took turns telling each other how important their helping was and how lucky the people were to have the benefit of it.

All of this cost far more than Government had worked out was required and anyway, even then the problem was not solved, for, as I have already said, many of the people were cheating and not paying the full Monday morning’s work output in taxes. Government attempted to overcome this problem by appointing inspectors to check on the people. ‘This word stems from ‘expectorate’ which means ‘to spit’, which is what the people did when they saw the tax inspectors.

But the cost of the inspectors’ wages and the increasing number of assistants the helpers were employing meant Government had to tell the people that henceforth he would need all of Monday’s output for his taxes.

When the people cried out in anger, Government silenced them by asking, ‘Would you deny your children schools and your sick the hospitals that I am providing as your natural human rights?’ The people were ashamed and hung their heads.

Although Government appeared to have been busier than his predecessor, in fact at an early stage he had learnt that, by appointing plenty of helpers, he could have lots of time to himself, and after only three years had passed, he had grown even fatter than the first Government for he spent much time consuming the people’s produce.

The people forgot Government was their servant and as he was now so huge they became afraid of him. Some of them remembered the first Government who had been a jolly, friendly giant who went his own way and left them alone.

A few of the very old people nostalgically remembered the good old days when there was no Government at all and were fond of saying how much better things were then but the people dismissed their ramblings as senility, for they knew they could not have been better without the schools and hospitals Government was giving them.

All might have been well had not the malcontents discovered some new natural human rights they had overlooked when they were busy with the schools and hospitals. ‘It is everyone’s natural human right to have a home’, said the malcontents.

The people were surprised to learn of this and said to the malcontents, ‘But everyone does have a home.’

‘Not as a natural human right,’ replied the malcontents, ‘As it stands, the people must work and save to get a home and that is disgraceful in an enlightened society. Furthermore,’ they added for good measure, ‘to build or buy a house most have to borrow money and the greedy ones who victimise them by lending them the money demand interest.’

‘Then they can rent homes,’ said the people, which caused the malcontents to roll their eyes and wave their arms in a frenzy of dismay and cry out loudly in anguish, ‘Such a suggestion is indecent. If people want homes they will be the victims of vicious exploiting, parasitical landlords.’

The people were not impressed by this argument so the malcontents ignored them and went directly to Government and told him he had a moral duty to give the people homes, for as with schools and hospitals it was a natural human right. So Government built lots and lots of houses and offered them to the people for a small token weekly payment.

On seeing this, many of the people said, ‘This is too good to be true. Why should we work hard and save to build homes when Government will give them to us?’ Very soon all of Government’s houses were gone and there was a long waiting list while Government built more.

To be continued…

Please feel free to check out Sir Bob’s blog for his current musings.

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