The Whaleoil dictionary: Part one

Credit: Luke

A face I could punch all day long A phrase commonly put after the name of someone whom Whaleoil doesn’t like, eg Nicky Hager has a face I could punch all day long.

A face like a gum digger’s dog A phrase commonly put after the name of someone who isn’t good looking.

A serious journalist A reference to Rachel Smalley who, upon starting work at NewstalkZB, described herself as the only serious journalist who works there.

A sump of Oilers A gathering of two or more Oilers.

ABC Club Anyone But Cunliffe, as in to lead the Labour party.

Almond fusser A virtual signaller who will go to extraordinary lengths to prove they are more environmentally vegan chic than others. Often associated with chardonnay socialists. Can also be used as a verb, eg She was almond fussing. Eg Jacinda is someone who so constantly thinks of others that she once woke in the middle of the night worried she was out of milk for her morning cup of tea. So, she got up and decided to soak some almonds at 2 am, just to make almond milk at dawn.

Ardern Fanciers Club Labour party supporters who think that Jacinda Ardern is leadership material.

A newspaper A nickname for the New Zealand Herald newspaper, created when it stopped acknowledging quotes and articles it used from Whaleoil, eg instead of saying blogger Cameron Slater said it would say a blogger said and instead of saying an article on Whaleoil it would say a blog post. In response, Whaleoil stopped acknowledging all NZ Herald content, instead crediting it as coming from a newspaper.

Angry Andy A nickname coined for Andrew Little after an angry outburst soon after he was made Labour leader when he told John Key to Cut the crap!

Beagle ears When women reach a certain age and cease wearing the required support, gravity can play merry hell with the bust line and they lose that perky look.

Big sugar A reference to the food industry which is now under attack by academics just like so-called big tobacco. Whaleoil predicted years ago that this would happen.

Big pharma A reference to the drug company lobbyists who were hosted at a special dinner by then Labour leader Andrew Little, months before Labour announced their stance to override Pharmac and fund melanoma drug Keytruda.

Blog of the damned A blog where banned Whaleoil commenters go to whine.

Brown mail Refers to pressure from Maori interest groups; a play on the word blackmail.

Cankles A woman’s fat or swollen ankles.

Cat fancier, arts, lifestyle and travel blogger A nickname for Kiwiblog blogger David Farrar.

CGT capital gains tax

Cock tax A term for a man who is paying child support or paying out their spouse after a separation.

CoL Short for the Coalition of Losers. This is a reference to the 2018 coalition government of Labour, NZ First and Green parties. The coalition did not include the National party even though it received the highest percentage of votes.

Chardonnay socialist A rich, out-of-touch person who believes they can solve all the world’s problems as long as they don’t have to spend any of their own money or even follow the rules they would set out.

Churnalist A journalist who churns out news stories. This has a similar meaning to repeater but refers to stories being pumped out as quickly as possible resulting in factual, spelling and grammatical errors.

Crusher A nickname for Judith Collins who was the face of the National party policy to punish repeat boy-racer offenders by crushing their cars.

Crybaby of the week Any individual who has run to the media to complain about something they don’t like or are unhappy about. Similar to pimping the poor and can be shortened to CBOTW.

Ctd or Cntd Continued

Cuddling crims A description of any policy that is concerned with the happiness or rights of criminals. A well-known crim cuddler is Labour politician Kelvin Davis.

C4M-ism A world-class rant or sledge against anything that is blatant stupidity by a sitting government or local-body member where, while the terminology may at times best be kept to a cowshed, the undeniable truth and humour makes it difficult for the moderators to delete. Harks back to much-enjoyed Whaleoil commenter Cows4me.

Dancing on the head of a pin To make a much bigger deal about something than can be warranted reasonably; to use a tiny notion of a whiff of possibility and present it as solid evidence.

David tainted Fisher The infamous nickname for journalist David Fisher who took money from Kim Dotcom to write a book about him while simultaneously writing positive news stories about him for his employer, the NZ Herald.

Devoid A female person lacking any form of common sense or sympathy to the older white male, or any white person for that matter. A reference to Dame Susan Devoy in her role as Race Relations Commissioner.

Diddums A word first made famous by Helen Clark. Whaleoil uses it in response to any complaints from the left side of politics.

Dirty politics The title of Nicky Hager’s book based on private information hacked from Whaleoil. The phrase was adopted by Whaleoil and made our own. More recently it has been used by the MSM to try to link untrue rumours on social media to Whaleoil.

Dodgy socialist dam A dam that the Hawkes Bay Regional Council has been trying to fund since 2014 because Trustpower and Ngai Tahu pulled out, saying the risks were too high and the returns too low.

Dumb as a sack of hammers A term that means very stupid.

Explaining is losing A famous Whaleoil saying meaning that if a politician is having to explain their words or actions then they are already losing credibility. This saying reflects the belief that politicians are more respected for standing their ground. Also, see the Rules of politics. This is rule number one.

To be continued…

Credit: Luke
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