The Whaleoil dictionary: Part three

Photoshopped image credit: Luke

New Zealand’s favourite grandmother A nickname for Maggie Barry.

Oilers One of a number of names for Whaleoil readers, followers and fans. Alternatives are Whale Army and Ground Crew.

OWM Old white man (or male), also derogatorily called pale stale male.

Pinkos People on the left of politics who are not full-blown red communists but are tinged with pink. Also the nickname for David Farrar as in Pinko Farrar.

Pimping the poor A popular meme created on Whaleoil for the discussion of articles in the media where a poor person is found and used as an example of why the government are doing a bad job. A pimp sells his prostitutes and journalists sell these poor-me stories. Often a quick check of the poor person’s Facebook page reveals holes in their stories of poverty.

Political retard A politician who has said or done something stupid, politically.

Poverdy (or Poverdee) When Jacinda Ardern is talking about poverty.

Rules of politics The rules as devised by Cameron:

  1. If you are explaining, you are losing
  2. Utu is good, even necessary
  3. Never hug a corpse: it smells and you end up smelling like the corpse too
  4. Always know where the bodies are buried
  5. Don’t let mongrels get away with being mongrels
  6. Don’t mess with The Whale
  7. Never wrestle with pigs; two things are for certain if you do: you will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it
  8. Never ask a question if you don’t already know the answer
  9. Speak plain and speak simple
  10. Remember, I’m telling this story
  11. Never trust a politician if you aren’t close enough to them to hit them in the back of the head with a bit of 4 by 2
  12. Never trust a politician with a moustache or a hyphenated name

Ratf**king Undermining or ruining someone’s reputation. Not a personal profanity but an actual political term. Google it.

Rent-a-quote Someone who will give a quote to the media that suits the media’s spin but that may, in fact, be the opposite of what the person has said previously. An example of this is economist Shamubeel Eaqub who gave two totally different views on renting with one being positive and one negative.

Repeaters Journalists who print, almost word for word, the contents of press releases or other people’s work.

Right-wing blogger A nickname for journalist Fran O’Sullivan.

Road maggot Someone who rides a pushbike. A well-known example is Trevor Mallard. They are mocked for not contributing to the cost of the roads, not being courteous to other road users and for looking silly in Lycra. An alternative is road lice.

Scribble-face A person who has had their face extensively tattooed to compensate for their lack of mana.

SFNS (Silly First Name Syndrome) The theory, backed up by independent research, that people with unusual names are more likely to lead a troubled life through injury, incarceration or an early death.

Shallower than a car park puddle Often used to describe a politician’s depth of knowledge. The full saying is Shallower than a car park puddle in the height of summer.

Shifting the deck chairs on the Titanic On Whaleoil this usually refers to a reshuffle of political portfolios by a leader that will make no difference whatsoever to the outcome. It refers to a political party being doomed no matter what changes they make.

Shine some sunlight This phrase means that Whaleoil is going to investigate and reveal something that others would like to remain hidden in the darkness.

Silent T A derogatory nickname for Labour MP David Cunliffe suggesting there is a T, that isn’t pronounced, in his surname after the n, hence silent.

Socialist Cindy A nickname for Jacinda Ardern.

Sock puppet Someone who fires the shots for someone else. For example, if a Whaleoil reader said something complimentary about Whaleoil on a left-wing blog s/he might be accused of being a Whaleoil sock puppet. It is an insulting term because it insinuates that the person is not speaking as an individual but is being controlled by someone else.

SOCKS Some Other C**t’s Kid. Coined in the earlier days of Whaleoil, now explained as Some Other Cad’s Kid. It’s the concept where a child is murdered or assaulted by a man who is not the father but the mother has chosen to live with him, frequently placing her own needs and safety before the child or children.

Tired and emotional A term used to describe someone who is in actuality drunk or has been drinking. First used to describe MPs in the debating chamber.

South Island chapter The southern think tank of Whaleoil known to hold regular meetings over coffee at its headquarters The Quarry.

to be continued…

Photoshopped image credit: Luke