An Alternative View of the Cabinet Reshuffle


This post is satirical

By Bob

Obviously, Iain Lees-Galloway must stay looking after Immigration because no-one else can read the reports as fast as he can or make such “accurate” assessments and determinations of the applicants in such short order. The man is a machine.

Photoshopped image credit: Pixy

Phil Twyford MUST remain as MR Kiwibuild because he has achieved SO much and he still has a little to do.

Phil Twyford Photoshopped image credit: Pixy

Andrew Little must remain in charge of justice because there are still people locked up for such trifling crimes as rape and murder while there are many as yet undetected and yet to be incarcerated “white supremacist thoughts being thought by alt-right old white men”. So much to do.

Photoshopped image credit: Pixy

Andrew must also be allowed to carry on with the forensic investigative work at Pike River. His tireless efforts have already driven the search to around 170 metres into the mine at a bargain cost of around $36,000,000.00, or to simplify things, around $211,764.70 per metre. There is nothing to show for the efforts so far, but given more money and more time, who knows?

Jenny Salesa must remain as the Building and Construction Minister because she is so switched on that she attended the Kiwibuild Conference at the beginning of the week and gave a speech which avoided even a single mention of Kiwibuild. The woman is a genius and Mr Kiwibuild himself, Phil Twyford, outsmarted everybody at the Kiwibuild Conference by not attending at all.

Shane Jones is still in the formative stages of his giant tree mulching, nephew mobilizing, and small hat stretching program so he must not be disturbed at this critical stage.

Jacinda Ardern on Winston’s knee. Photoshopped image credit: Luke

Winston must stay because…well, he’s a lawyer and he’s really clever.

Photoshopped image credit: Pixy

Grant Robertson is slowing the economy beautifully.

Photoshopped image credit: Luke

Stuart Nash is deep into building the single biggest gun collection in the Hemisphere and he is actually managing to do it at ABSOLUTELY NO COST to himself. He has managed to source his collection from law-abiding citizens because to quote an unnamed official “it is really a bit bloody dangerous getting firearms off the bad buggers”. So Stuart has to stay.

Jacinda Ardern is, of course, doing MAGNIFICENT work with the photo shoots. So she stays.

Julie Anne Genter is well on track towards next year’s ZERO Road Toll. So she’s got to stay.

Crikey, I can’t think of a single minister who could be replaced, they are all SO wonderful.