Aunty Audrey Gets Sticky Knickers

By John

I read with interest Christie’s message to SB. I look forward, as I’m sure many others will, to her weekly column. Having worked in the media myself, I can identify with many of the points she makes. My Saturday morning routine, which is usually reading a weekend newspaper; the only one I buy in the week, reluctantly, was disturbed due to other commitments. I, therefore, did not open the newspaper until Sunday morning.

I have a high regard for Christie’s contributions. They are always well written and spot on with the facts; her message to SB being a good example. So I was surprised to say the least, when I opened A Newspaper and, turning to page A21, found an article headed – Coalition Government can bask in exceptional week. Above the headline was the author of the article, the smiling face of dear old Audrey Young.

Audrey missed the opportunity to write a good, accurate piece as in amongst everything that she said contributed to an exceptional week there were a couple of good decisions the government made. These were on defence, even if the method of procurement was questionable, and the withdrawal of forces from Iraq. Unfortunately, as is all too common these days, Audrey decided to go for broke and have us believe that the government had a week to remember. That is true, except it was for the reasons Christie pointed out.

Christie said that the government has had another torrid week which was correct. The newspaper that Audrey writes for provided the proof needed as on page A12 there was a three quarter colour page spread of A year in the life of the first baby. How predictable! Whoever wrote that unadulterated tripe, wisely didn’t put their name to it. If a newspaper has someone with enough time to produce such trivia, they are clearly overstaffed.

Hitman: Education Minister Chris Hipkins eliminated Partnership schools Credit: Luke

Back to Audrey’s article. She is full of praise for ‘Hitman Hipkins’ who she says showed why he is one of Jacinda Ardern’s most valued ministers. This is a man who has just been hit himself or rather clobbered by the unions to the point where his only option, as it had been all along, was to cave in.

To say he’s one of her most valued ministers is comparable to comparing all of her ministers to items of clothing in the Farmers clearance sale where he is reduced by 25 percent and all the rest are reduced 50 percent or more and, even then, most are left on the rack!

Audrey says Hipkins got the dispute settled and found a way to make the dead rat he had to swallow taste absolutely delicious. A lovely turn of phrase Audrey but if that, in fact, is the truth of the matter, Hipkins’ tastebuds died some time ago. She then decides to introduce some honesty by admitting that the government has backed down, capitulated, surrendered, call it what you like, on its avowed position of $1.2 billion and not a cent more. I call it all three.

Audrey says that’s pragmatism over intransigence. Oh really? As if he had a choice. It really irritates me that journalists nowadays think we can all be taken for a bunch of fools. Anyone with half a brain could work out who the winner would be in a fight between Labour and the unions.

According to Audrey, one of the other notable achievements last week was the reopening of the uneconomical railway line from Napier to Wairoa. It never will be economic and Mother Nature will, sometime in the future, see to that. As for getting trucks off the road, how do the logs get to the train? I am not aware of a river nearby so they can float down to the railway.

Audrey then goes on to talk about the Budget leak saying both parties sat on the truth for longer than they should have. Not true. The only reason National had for coming clean was to gain the moral high ground which, rightly or wrongly, they chose not to. Labour had an absolute obligation to come clean and, true to their devious ways, chose not to.

As Christie points out there is more deviousness going on with Jacinda and her former interim chief of staff and conflicts of interest. Jacinda immediately implements her nothing to see here, moving right along mantra, when the opposite seems to be the case. Audrey doesn’t mention this minor matter because that would ruin her erroneous headline.

I look forward to Christie’s articles. The rate the COL is going, she might need more than one slot a week. I’m picking there’ll be more baby stories in the MSM now than on the Plunket Parenting Podcast as the dummies in the COL suffer from increasingly frequent bouts of political colic.