Boris Johnson’s Greatest Hits

When Donald Trump was elected president, the political-cultural elite clutched their pearls and gasped, shocked that anyone could have voted for that awful – so “un-presidential”! – man. But what the fainting maiden aunts of contemporary left-wing orthodoxy utterly failed to comprehend was that Trump’s rough-hewn genuineness was a large part of the reason people did vote for him after eight years of the smooth-talking snake-oil salesman Obama.

Similarly, the stuffed shirts at the BBC loathe new British PM Boris Johnson, appalled that anyone would have the temerity to compare Burka-clad women to letterboxes. So, the sniffy wowsers regularly compile hit-lists of Bojo’s “awful” comments – completely oblivious that they’re giving the rest of us a much-needed belly-laugh.

Boris Johnson’s path to No 10 is strewn with (an estimated) 456,789 offensive remarks.

If that total is accurate, then frankly, colour me impressed.

Britain’s Prime Minister for now, Boris Johnson, has long served a constituency of those who (rightly and repeatedly) take vociferous offence. Newsweek, July 23:


A quick straw-poll of gay friends and relations shows that most of them think that remark is utterly hilarious.

Boris is also not averse to offending the left’s sacred intersectionalities, such as (presumably biological) women, and “People of Colour”.

On women’s beach volleyball at the Olympics, 2012: They are like glistening wet otters frolicking…

For 10 years we in the Tory party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing.

At least he offered an apology, of sorts, for that one…

I would like to add Papua New Guinea to my global itinerary of apology. I meant no insult to the people of Papua New Guinea, who I’m sure lead lives of blameless bourgeois domesticity in common with the rest of us.

Although he went on to “outrage” the “we wuz colonialised” lobby.

Of the 193 present members of the UN, we have conquered or at least invaded 171 — that is 90 per cent. The only countries that seem to have escaped were places like Andorra and the Vatican City…Consider Uganda, pearl of Africa, as an example of the British record. Are we guilty of slavery? Pshaw. It was one of the first duties of Frederick Lugard, who colonised Buganda in the 1890s, to take on and defeat the Arab slavers. And don’t swallow any of that nonsense about how we planted the “wrong crops”.

Johnson is also wonderfully candid about politicians like himself.

I can hardly condemn UKIP as a bunch of boss-eyed, foam-flecked euro hysterics when I have been sometimes not far short of boss-eyed, foam-flecked hysteria myself…

Look, I’m rather pro-European, actually. I certainly want a European community where one can go and scoff croissants, drink delicious coffee, learn foreign languages and generally make love to foreign women…

The dreadful truth is that when people come to see their MP, they have run out of better ideas…The awful truth is that people do take me seriously … you must consider the possibility that underneath it all there really may lurk a genuine buffoon.

But, as with Trump, what matters to voters, in the end, is not the slick, tele-prompted suaveness of an Obama, but the results from a Trump.

Even the gay lobby, as apt to mincing outrage as it is, had to acknowledge that behind Johnson’s “offensive” words was a politician who delivered.

Mr Johnson was one of the first senior Conservatives to support equal marriage…As Foreign Secretary he has overseen modernisation on LGBT rights within the Foreign Office, throwing out guidelines that blocked British embassies and consulates from flying the rainbow flag across the world.

He has also spoken out for global LGBT rights, recently raising human rights abuses against LGBT people with his Russian counterpart.

So, the next time the elites faint into their soy-lattes, when Boris jokes about “hotty-totty”, “picaninnies” or British towns “too full of drugs, obesity, under­achievement and Labour MPs”, they might pause to consider that a great many people outside the quinoa curtain of inner London actually get the joke.