Fawning Fitz Faints From Jacinda’s Reflected Halo

In a kind universe, New Zealanders should have long forgotten the name “Peter Fitzsimons”, after he played for the losing Australian side against the All Blacks way back in 1990. Unfortunately, New Zealanders have fared no better than Australians, as Pirate Pete snaffled himself a lucrative media career. So it passed that we’ve had to endure Pirate Pete’s endless, elitist pontification, as well as his dodgy, so-called “history” books.

Oh, lawd, the “history” books. Fitzsimons has much the same approach to accuracy as Dan Brown, and his pseudo-history potboilers sell by similar truckloads. Actual historians, though, are less-than-impressed. Professor Peter Stanley dubbed one of Fitz’s doorstops as “a graphic novel without the pictures…cartoon history by the kilogram”. Another disparagingly lumped Fitzsimons as one of “the historical malfunctions” Australian history regularly spawns.

As if Australia’s history hasn’t been traduced and Bowdlerised enough by the Red Bandanna, now he’s taking to distorting recent New Zealand history.

We’ve just stumbled upon the latest drivel proffered to The Sun-Herald’s long-suffering readers by its red-ragged columnist Peter FitzSimons.

Fitzsimons first embarks on the standard leftist circle-jerking: plugging his wife and her sinking tv show, in which she plugs his latest pot-boiling faux-history. And no leftist back-slapping festival would be complete without the requisite fawning over Jacinda.

There he goes again, shamelessly plugging Lisa Wilkinson’s sagging ratings, crowing about his proximity to fame and power. “I’d forgotten my wife was interviewing Jacinda Ardern for The Sunday Project on Channel Ten and my call came through just as they were wrapping up.” Yep, Fitzy name checks Lisa’s station and she plugs his next book – “on Captain James Cook”; another Australiana stocking filler written for FitzSimons by his researchers, “his” 36th tome in 29 years requiring as much exertion as starting a microwave. FitzWilkinson Inc in all its repellent glory.

Having worked himself into a giddy, schoolgirl stupor by becoming but one tweet away from being touched by the aura of the Antipodean left’s golden idol, Pirate Pete goes the full Fitz on New Zealand.

Their cross-promoting opportunities exhausted, Fitzy offered this characteristically ignorant observation: “The most fascinating thing about the New Zealand Prime Minister, of course, is that even though the politics of the world is drifting to feral right, she is the beacon for how politics can be done – progressive, inclusive, considered – and still romp home at elections.”

No doubt Oilers will be scratching their heads over that last assertion.

What election has Ardern ever romped home at? At the national poll of 2017, she garnered fewer than a million votes. Her Labour Party won 36.9 per cent of the vote and 46 seats to the Nats’ 44.5 per cent and 56 seats. She governs in minority only with the support of nationalist, anti-immigration party NZ First and its populist, Hanson-esque leader Winston Peters, who she made deputy PM and foreign minister.

Thankfully, FitzSimons had paid help to check the facts in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Gallipolli and D-Day for Dummies.


But, oddly enough, for all his fawning, Fitzsimons, like most of his lefty pals, shows a marked reluctance to put his money where his overpaid mouth is, and sod off to New Zealand.

You’re more than welcome to him.