Fly on the Wall of Sky TV


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Grant Nisbett: Welcome back folks and thank you for joining us as we prepare for kick-off to start the second half here in the big one: ‘The Year of Delivery’. Joining me in the commentary box to talk about the first-half highlights is Dr Megan Woods, Member for Wigram. Good morning Dr Woods.

Ms Woods: Morena Grant. Happy Matariki to you.

Grant Nisbett: Well, it’s not Matariki though, is it Megan? Maori used a lunar calendar starting from the first full moon after Matariki appeared, so the day will actually be the 17th July.

Ms Woods: No, no. I assure you. It was the subject of my PhD thesis.

Grant Nisbett: Fair enough Megan. Bryce Edwards described you as having a hefty intellect in his column for Radio NZ the other day and I wouldn’t want to disagree with him, or you. Speaking of that particular adjective; it was also used to describe you by Stuff columnist Paul Gorman on Friday, talking of your ‘hefty workload’, it’s a word that falls naturally to you I think. Do you mind if we call you Hefty?

Ms Woods: Not at all.

Grant Nisbett: Well, Okay. Hefty it is. Bryce also described you as the ‘most left-leaning’ person in parliament, further left than the Greens, and given that your boss was a former head of Socialist Youth International, that’s really saying something.

Hefty: Thank you Comrade, and thanks to Bryce.

Grant Nisbett: So, talk us through the first half highlights of ‘the Year of Delivery’.

Hefty: I got a promotion…

Grant Nisbett: [cough] A promotion! In our game we’d call it a hospital pass, I mean; just look at the graphic:

Grant Nisbett: You’re nearly 800 homes behind the eight-ball with only nine years and 99,798 houses to come! How are you going to catch up? Nationalise the building industry?

Hefty: It’s something I’m considering. It was the subject of my PhD thesis.

Grant Nisbett: What were the other highlights? Because it’s pretty grim so far isn’t it: looking at the stats I mean, the ‘Wellbeing’ stats. Unemployment up, GDP growth tracking down, there’s more: the proportion of New Zealanders with life satisfaction of 8/10 declined, proportion with life worthwhile at 8/10 or higher declined, proportion with enough or more than enough money declined, all in two years; it seems Kiwi’s aren’t enjoying the full warm glow of socialism Jacinda-style?

Hefty: I am just going outside and may be some time…

Grant Nisbett: What happened? Where did she go? [shouting] Dr Woods…Megan…Hefty!

Hefty: Don’t look for me for three weeks…

Grant Nisbett: Well, that about sums it up; folks. When we need answers this government goes AWOL. Meantime, back to the action, we’re underway in the second half of the ‘Year of Delivery’, let’s hope it’s better than the first…a lot better! But, I’ve got a bad, bad feeling.