Forget the Turtles; Who Will Think of the Lesbian Jockeys?

There is a bloody good reason why we have plastic straws rather than paper straws, but the current ban on plastic straws (AKA turtle snorkels) has led to a situation where an aberration of common sense such as a metal straw has come into existence.

When crimes against common sense are committed on a daily basis there can be horrific consequences, and I am not talking about burning your tongue on a hot metal straw. Oh no, the latest metal straw incident involved a retired lesbian jockey and death most foul.

A retired jockey died […]She was carrying a mason jar glass with a screw-top lid when she collapsed, with the 10in stainless steel straw entering her left eye socket and piercing her brain.
Today a coroner said metal drinking straws should never be used with a lid that fixes them in place, and warned that ‘great care should be taken’ while using them.
They have increasingly replaced plastic straws after BBC’s Blue Planet drew attention to ocean pollution[…]

The inquest heard she had suffered with mobility difficulties following a horse riding accident when she was 21-years-old.
Following a reduction in her high levels of fentanyl pain medication, she had become alcohol dependent.

In the months leading up to her death, she had been drinking around half a litre of vodka a day, mixed with orange juice, from the mason jar cup, using the metal straws which were a birthday gift.
Due to severe pain from her riding accident, which caused multiple fracutres to Mrs Struthers-Gardner’s lumbar spine and caused scoliosis, she was prone to falling over, collapsing ‘like a sack of potatoes’ at random intervals, her wife added.

Reading a statement to the inquest, Robin Struthers, Mrs Struthers-Gardner’s brother, called for the coroner to comment on how easy it is to purchase metal straws, adding: ‘These straws can very easily be lethal.’
Mandy Struthers-Gardner added: ‘I just feel that in the hands of mobility challenged people like Elena, or children, or even able-bodied people losing their footing, these things are so long and very strong.
‘Even if they don’t end a life they can be very dangerous.’

[…] He added: ‘Clearly great care should be taken when using these metal straws.
‘There is no give in them at all. If someone does fall on one and it’s pointed in the wrong direction, serious injury can occur.
‘It seems to me these metal straw should not be used with any form of lid that holds them in place.


Metal straws may be eco-friendly but they are not people-friendly. They are a crime against common sense.