You Go, BoJo.

Verity Johnson really is a lightweight of the first order. I really don’t know why anyone allows her to publish anything. This week, with the appointment of Boris Johnson as prime minister of Britain, she has decided to enlighten us all with her knowledge and insight into Britain’s new prime minister. But, as the last article of hers I read was about her buying a KeepCup to save the environment single-handedly, let’s just say that I do not consider her to be an expert in British politics.

I don’t hold her as an expert in anything, actually.

Her article about BoJo doesn’t change that attitude.

I’m pretty jealous of Boris Johnson. Oh I don’t like him, he reminds me too much of my thoroughly aristocratic and supremely irritating ex-boyfriend for that.

Riiight… so you don’t like BoJo because he reminds you of your ex? Well, my ex reminds me of Margaret Thatcher.. no, sorry… Gordon Brown? Definitely not. Tony Blair? What the hell? How stupid is that?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not harbouring any secret desire to be the prime minister of the UK. It’s rather for what he’s managed to do …

He’s a charismatic, calculated clown who relies on gaffes, nostalgic Etonian charm and sheer personality to charm his way into the pants of everyone and everything that he wants, from partners to Parliament.

Erm… you obviously have not realised, Verity, that BoJo’s clown persona is exactly that. Alexander Boris Johnson is no clown. Far from it. He is a smart politician with insight into what creates appeal. He is now the prime minister (unlike your ex), so it must have worked.

He’s been crowned king of the jungle that is UK politics by being a combination of brilliant, bumbling and just so … Boris. It’s allowed him to gloss over minor things like affairs, lying about the affairs, love children from the affairs, making up quotes as a journalist, casual racism, a largely ineffective eight years as mayor and splashing misleading statements like the UK pays the EU £35 million  a week on buses in the run-up to Brexit.

Seeing you are obviously a leftie, Verity, let me remind you about Bill Clinton’s affairs. No big deal, right? Francois Hollande was celebrated in France for having a mistress only a few years ago. Affairs are so last millennium, Verity. Move with the times, girl.

The reason I’m jealous is that only a man could get away with that. I’m fairly certain that no woman could have acted like BoJo and still be elected prime minister. It just wouldn’t happen.

Oh God. When in doubt, let’s go for the feminist outrage. A woman wouldn’t get away with it. How very twee.

Let’s face it. Most men would never get away with it either. Boris is Boris.

Whereas if Boris was Borisina, every inch of her personal life, from the messy car to the unwillingness to say how many kids she had, would be seen as proof of her character, morality and worthiness to be in politics.
Even if you start with the little things that make up Boris’ bumbling charm, they just wouldn’t work for chicks. Name me a female politician who could get away with “scruffy chic”. Butch?

Maybe. But messy? Never. We don’t have the luxury of it, not when studies have consistently shown that makeup and grooming for women are necessary to increase our perceived trustworthiness and competence in the workforce.
Plus, female Boris would be crucified by the women’s mags, given they make billions regulating what every aspect of a working woman’s wardrobe “says” about them and their emotional state.

Interesting, Verity, that you live in New Zealand, where we have a prime minister that gets away with absolute murder… including a supposed trip to Tokelau this weekend, even though her father is the Administrator of Tokelau, and it is her birthday, so she has gone to spend some family time… using an RNZAF plane and a Navy frigate. But hey. The media is silent. How about writing about that, Verity?

But no. BoJo gets away with things that women can’t. Really?

I’d love to rock up to work with his blond-I-can’t-be-arsed-to-use-a-comb crop, but it would trigger an office intervention over whether I was having a quarterlife crisis.

I think you worry too much about what your workmates think about you, Verity. We all do, but most of us don’t write in a major publication about it. Grow up, girl.

And while we’re on the topic of sex, I’m a little bit jealous that he’s allowed to be sexy and be PM. Even if he’s not your cup of tea, his funny, intellectual and clearly very virile persona has a strange English sexiness to it. In fact, in all of the mayoral-era coverage of BoJo, they never failed to get adoring quotes from posh society gals who all fawned over the bumbling blond bombshell’s sex appeal.


Have to say, I never really saw Boris as sexy, but hey… whatever floats your boat, Verity…

Here is the thing.

Boris is no clown. He plays the fool to improve his personal appeal.

Boris has been brought in for one reason, and that is to save the Tory Party. The EU elections this year shows that, contrary to what the media told everyone, the British people really do want Brexit. The Tories were almost annihilated in those elections. Although it was not a general election, it was a warning that the British parliament could not afford to ignore the wishes of voters any longer. The Conservative Party took note… and appointed a Brexiteer as their new leader.

So don’t kid yourself, Verity. This is not about how sexy Boris is, or about how much of a buffoon he is. This is about the salvation of the Conservative party, which is the ruling party in Britain at the moment… which has been sent a serious warning that, if they do not heed the wishes of the people who put them in power, Nigel Farage might be the next prime minister.

Boris has started well, telling those who do not back Britain that they will lose the shirts off their backs, and also telling the EU that Britain is not going to give in to their preposterous claims. He has only been prime minister for a couple of days.

I would love a prime minister like him here in New Zealand, Verity. But maybe Jacinda is just not sexy enough?

Maybe one day, Verity, you will be promoted to writing about Neve’s bowel movements. I can’t think of anything that you are better suited for.