TVNZ: Too much money – Too little brains


TVNZ is set to abandon more than 40 years of history this weekend, as it farewells the TV One brand, renaming the channel TVNZ 1.

The move, announced this afternoon at the network’s new season launch, is part of a wider overhaul, which will see TV2 renamed TVNZ 2 and One News to become 1 News.

It follows a major overhaul by rival broadcaster MediaWorks this year, which saw it ditch the 3 News brand in favour of Newshub,

The cost of doing this will be substantial. ?This branding is through everything in the whole organisation. ? The question as to be asked: ?what is the net benefit? ? Read more »


Another "One"

Shane Jones is "one"You are one of the best fixers in maoridom, and traded your ability to fix things for a safe list seat for Labour. Based on your solving the maori fisheries issue you immediately became labeled likely to be the ?First Maori Prime Minister?.

Being a good keen man you got slightly off side with the gaggle and the sisterhood, and the self serving unionist are a bit leery of you because you are not one of them. You believe you have cross over appeal to all New Zealanders, and do not have a reputation for being an arrogant c*** or a charisma free zone. Your cross over appeal is so great that your opponents on the other side of the house often ask you to join them, because they think your appeal to middle New Zealand would help them.

Unfortunately in the course of your ministerial duties you blotted your copy book, and had to pay back a modest amount of taxpayer money. Unlike your leader when he gets in trouble, you front footed it, apologized and copped it sweet.

This same leader, who thinks lying and blaming others is the way out of trouble, is now ruining your chances of being New Zealand?s first Maori Prime Minister. He has rooted your party, and seems intent on taking it to its lowest vote ever, through an incredibly inept display over nearly three years.

So you start wondering what would happen if you replaced him. Would you lift the polls? Would you be able to clean out the deadwood and make sure there were more MPs who appreciated red blooded males? Would you position yourself for becoming New Zealand?s first Maori Prime Minister in 2014?

Then you start thinking what a bunch of hopeless wets your caucus colleagues are, and start wondering why a ?one? like you should wait around for a C*** or a Charisma free zone to ruin your party. So you get on the phone and start talking to your mates in caucus, and go from being a ?one? to the ?one?.


Curran gets support from unlikely quarter

Clare Curran has won the support of Cactus Kate:

Over the past few days I have watched from a distance in horror at the left-wing turn on Clare Curran to the point she’s now issued the?sort of apology that only a woman could be forced to make.

The post is utter bullshit. I hope she doesn’t mean a word of it.

Politics is a passionless sport at times. People selling out their souls and beliefs to appease and bow to supposed “supporters”.

Clare knows the real enemy and realises that the more votes to Labour’s real competitors the Greens and Maori Party, the less likely the “ones” are to be re-elected. Such as Stuart Nash, apparent superstar in the making?Carmel Sepuloni,?Nanaia Mahuta,?Sue Moroney,Brendan Burns,?Clayton Cosgrove.

I have watched twitter and seen the posts by supposed left-wingers as they’ve turned on Curran’s passion for politics.

Cactus at her finest smacking down Lew and other assorted whiny-assed pinkos:

Lew from Kiwipolitico who wouldn’t be happy surrounded with free hookers and his pants down, the sarcastic uselessness of?Danyl at Dim Post, the unsteady Eddie?at the Stranded.

But the best lines of all are at the end:

What hurts the Labour Party the most are passionless, fly-by night supporters who have no soul. Who don’t back the very people like Clare who are sacrificing their own personal lives to actually advance their cause. If what she is saying in a 90 hour work week is a mistake, who gives a fuck? The real question is what their Leader is not saying in his 89 hour week.

It is never a mistake to show passion for anything that you do. You should never apologise for that. You should stand up and face your critics and challenges them to do better than you.

If?Phil Goff showed as much passion for the Labour Party as Clare Curran, we wouldn’t be counting down his days left as Leader of it.

Another "One"

Clare Curran is OneYou are a highly talented political communications expert who took an axe to deadwood at the last campaign. You now hold a safe seat for life in the Peoples Republic of Dunedin. This caused some comment as by rights no one from the grey dank oppressive cesspit that is the PRD or a female member of the modern Labour party should be quite as chic as you.

Being a communications specialist you have some firm ideas on how Labour should be communicating its message. You realise that in politics it is often the messenger that is the most important factor, and you have puzzled for years over how a self made money man can come across so well for so long, when all New Zealand really wants is a progressive government and to be clean and green.

Instead of a good messenger you have a man who at best is an ineffective middle manager, and at worst a boring drone that New Zealand doesn?t listen to. So you start thinking, and wondering whether your progressive ideals are being held up by your leader, or if it just the keystone cop of a campaign manager who is making a mess of your career by keeping Labour in opposition for far longer than is just.

The thought of another interminable period in opposition where you cannot implement the policies progressive New Zealand so badly needs is driving you to distraction. The constant travel from the depths of the South for so little reward is sapping your resolve. Your talents are wasted on the back bench, and if you were in cabinet you would be able to avoid the dank oppression of the PRD even more than you do currently.

Worse still just two weeks ago you suffered the gross indignity of being named in a gossip column and being associated with the crippled campaign manager. It has been?difficult?to near impossible to overcome the embarrassment and having to constantly explain away the column to those who matter to you have worn you thin.

With your customary ?lan matched with nerves of steel you contemplate a future without a drone of a leader, and with someone that the public of New Zealand will listen to. The more you think the more you think a progressive New Zealand will be best served by a new leader, and so you become another of the most important number in a coup, a ?One?.


Another One

Tainui PrincessYou are a Maori Princess, known as ?Hon? rather than ?HRH?, but none the less the most likely person in your party to reconnect with Maori. As a princess you have always had a great faith in your destiny, and so far the prophecies have come true. You are going to be a great leader of your people.

You have seen traditional Maori support drain away to your opponents, and wonder whether this is because the leading Maori in your party is a super heavy weight from a light weight tribe Ngati Porou. The other leading Maori may have a good record in fixing intertribal battles, but he blotted his copy book at the same time as his hotel bed linen at the tax payers expense, and is no longer taken seriously in the Maori community.

Arriving late into the Clark Cabinet you are not tarnished by the Sea Bed and Fore Shore, so can legitimately dodge questions about this debacle that cost your party so many votes. But you will never be able to reconnect with those who rightfully should vote Labour until the people behind this dreadful act are removed from parliament.

In the sixth Labour Government you will take your rightful place on the front bench, and do more good for your people than any before you. You may not be ?HRH? but ?Dame? is a lot more pleasant than ?Hon?, and a nice family symmetry. Unfortunately your path to your title is being betrayed by an inept leader who cannot connect with anyone, not your people, not traditional Labour voters and not swing voters.

And a new leader might recognise that yesterday?s man and the man with the blotted copy book need to move on, leaving you as the leading Maori in the party.

So you look around and wonder if your destiny would be fulfilled if your party had a new leader.

You become another of the most important numbers in a coup, a ?one?.


Another "One"

You are a tough girl from the ?naki who discovered that trading on your ethnicity got you places, especially in the modern Labour Party. This caused some consternation in your ethnic community as no one actually knew who you were, and were quite surprised at your selection, even though you had done some stellar work managing equity at university.

Paula Bennett's tart cartForging ahead talking little notice of the doubters, you managed to secure the selection in the nominally safe Labour seat of Waitakere, despite not being part of the the gaggle or self serving. A triumph for someone who is not actually a proper westie, and is competing with someone who is a westie right down to her tart cart.

You are “more down to Earth, more authentic, more genuine” than your opponent, despite not having a tart cart. You may not have hunted pigs before entering politics, but you are ?more closely connected? than your pig hunting, tart cart driving opponent.

Yet the polls are not favourable. This red seat that is so rightfully yours after a bloody and brutal selection battle is going to stick with the hated Tory sell out, whose tart cart and pig hunting masks the fact she is taking money off hard working beneficiaries who deserve far better for the hard work they do.

And looking at the polls you see you may end up looking at the situations vacant column, at a time where there is a great shortage of equity needing to be managed as the Tory scum have cut funds for equity.

So you look at your party and think this old white guy who is not very popular is not being very equitable to people like you who will lose your seat if he keeps being so useless, and you become another of the most important number in a coup, a ?one?.

Another "One"

You are a first term MP looking to carry on your family legacy. You have made quite an impact despite not being a member of the gaggle or self serving, and are rather on the outer fitting into that uncomfortable and unseemly demographic, the straight white male.

In 2005 you took one for the team in the very blue seat of Epsom, and as payback you were given a safe list seat in 2008 even though you were unable to take the nomination in the area you came from and wanted to reestablish firm roots in.

Despite heading home to put down firm roots in this term you have tried to make headway against an extremely popular incumbent in a seat that Labour held for 54 years before the hated tories took it. Your flamboyant office and flamboyant firetruck have made an impact, but unfortunately so has your flamboyant ?lifestyle?. You are living proof a leopard can change its spots, and your current princess has certain expectations.

You are now known as an ex rooter, and the sisterhood are no longer as anti you for your rooting as they are for your right wing tendencies in a party that exorcised such tendencies in favour of other tendencies years ago.

Years of solid work on a Capital Gains Tax have been ruined by a botched launch and a terrible sales job, but being a salesman yourself you wonder if it is not just the sales man who is pitching these policies who is the problem. And despite being the revenue spokesman you have yet to work out how to reduce to the marginal rate of cock tax to a more acceptable level, as the current ruinous rate is crippling you and causing your current princess to become quite vexed about lack of tiaras and fine clothes and all the other accoutrements a princess with her expectations so richly deserves.

This starts to nag away in the back of your mind, especially since being neither self serving or part of the gaggle you don?t have a safe list position, and you have no chance of winning your electorate on current polling. So you will find yourself without a situation, with a huge cock tax bill and a princess who is not particularly accommodating for those without situations.

You start thinking that maybe your stellar career will continue if the party just see the light and move the leader on.

So you become another of the most important numbers in a coup, a ?one?.


At 29% which list MPs miss out

At 29% there will be some current Labour list MPs who will miss out.

Stuart Nash
Steve Chadwick

Do they become another couple of ?ones?? One is the most important number in a coup, and nothing focuses the mind of a politician like getting kicked out of the trough.

Another "One"

Sue Moroney is OneYou are a country girl who embraced social justice, taking one for the team in 1996, and another for the team in 2002 before entering parliament on the list in 2005. You moved from the very blue rural seat to a bellwether seat in the tron in 2008, but as New Zealand fell out of love with Helen you weren?t able to make any impact despite being big on social justice and running against Cancer whose ideas of polling his constituents are considered a little old fashioned and somewhat controversial.

Not being from the gaggle, but being a card carrying self serving unionist your career has moved along at a brisk clip, and you have now been given the chance of taking the other tron seat off a man who is slightly more conventional with his polling but somewhat less popular. A seat will give you mana which you don?t have a scum list MP, and a win will earn you the respect of your caucus colleagues, even if you are not a member of the gaggle.

Your self serving previous life has stood you in good stead for working with your old comrades in the education unions who are doing their best to help you at the same time as expecting a quid pro quo when you are the minister.

The problem is that at current polling you will waste away another six years on the opposition benches as the hated tories ignore the cries of the oppressed unionists in the education sector who just want a fair go really. You agree, educators work far too hard, don?t get paid enough and this accountability nonsense is quite beyond the pale. You are up against a woman who is a former kitset house seller, and yet despite her past you cant seem to make any traction.

So you start thinking about how soon you can expect to be ?Hon? and pay back your loyal friends in the education sector with free holidays to the Gold Coast for all, free gym membership, free lunch, a rum ration like sailors get, early retirement with a big golden hand shake and of course no accountability because everyone knows teacher accountability does nothing to help students. Even a teacher can work out your leader has been able to get no traction, and has kept your ambitions on hold while he dances his death dance, taking your party with him.

So you start thinking about all the good deeds your teacher mates need and how they desperately need that free holiday on the Gold Coast, and you become another ?one?.


Another "One"

Brendan BurnsYou are a former media man who ran Helen’s media unit, where your searing intellect and sharp wit was sadly misinterpreted by the sots in the press gallery who gave you the slightly unbecoming nickname ?Lord Burns?.

Being neither one of the gaggle nor a self serving unionist you took two for the team, running in the very blue seat of Kaikoura with no hope of winning a list place, despite being the award winning editor of the local rag and your chateaux being right in the heart of the electorate.

Chardonnay may have been grown in plentiful supplies, but the socialist part did not follow, with the good burghers of Marlborough rejecting your immense intellectual advantage to favour a man whose only real claim to fame was he was a world class shearer. As if shearers know how to change the world. They are known to be all smelly and wear bad clothes and drink and cuss and not really be worthy of your scintillating conversation and are probably proud to be Lumpenproletaria.

With the blessing of Helen you were transplanted from your country seat to the Socialist Republic of Christchurch, where you managed to win a rigged selection to become the carpet bagging MP for Christchurch Central. ?You subsequently added the name of your country seat to your title, becoming widely recognised as Lord Burns of Marlborough.

Your narrow win in a very safe seat mean’t you eroded a massive majority to 935 when the proles again failed to recognise the important impact your intellect would make on the world if they would only trouble themselves to think about it.

On recent polling your seat is nominally a National seat as it requires less than a 3% swing for you to be sent back to the Chateaux to brood over how the lumpen can be taken out of the Lumpenproletaria. The current additional 15% in favour of National is more than five times the necessary swing for you to lose your seat, and if that happens you require Labour to win 32% of the vote to ensure parliament does not become a lesser place due to losing your intellect.

So you talk to your good Lady wife, who has become quite accustomed your new found importance and her new found clothing allowance, and wonder if you should preserve your career by say ?Phil my dear old thing, perhaps you should pass the baton on to another chap for the good of the party, and of course New Zealand.?

You become another ?one?.