Shane Warne

Shane Warne proves what we have always known: he is a dickhead

Shane Warne is a dickhead, and now he’s proved it.

Shane Warne has explained his theory of human evolution on Australian TV showI’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here!.

The former spin king used the latest episode to espouse his theory on evolution – that humans are the result of aliens.

“If we’ve evolved from monkeys why haven’t those ones evolved?” he asks.

“I’m saying aliens. We started from aliens.” ? Read more »

Warnie put your wanger away

The Shane Warne song by Kevin Bloody Wilson by Wilbert-thewicked

In contrast to Duncan Garner’s “research” Shane Warne is definitely on the pull on Tinder.

He has been named one of the cricketers of the century and Elizabeth Hurley was his sometime fianc?e, but Shane Warne still appears to be on a sticky wicket when it comes to romance.

The 45-year-old former Australian international has downloaded Tinder, a dating app popular among twentysomethings, but most women he messages do not believe he is really the famous cricketer.

?People say, ?Why are you trying to impersonate Shane Warne??? he told The Times. ?I go, ?OK, yeah, I am.? And then they go, ?No! It?s really you!? And you go, ?OK, it is.? And then they go, ?No, it?s not!? So I?m on there for the fun value.?

He said he was not ?trying to find the love of his life? through the app, but spoke of his loneliness at being ?very, very single?. ? Read more »

Tony Abbott – “I couldn’t bat, I couldn’t bowl, I couldn’t field, but I could sledge”

There are more than a few people blubbering like panty-waists over sledging in cricket…not Tony Abbott.

He has come out and said though he loves cricket he was tits at every aspect of it except sledging…awesome.

As tensions between the Australian and Indian cricket teams reach boiling point, Prime Minister Tony Abbott has revealed sledging was his only strength as a cricketer.

Speaking at an afternoon tea for the teams at Kirribilli House in Sydney on Thursday, Mr Abbott spoke of his time as a cricketer during his student days at Oxford University.

“I couldn’t bat, I couldn’t bowl, I couldn’t field, but I could sledge, and I think I held my place in the team on this basis, and I promise there’ll be none of that today,” said the former captain of Oxford’s Middle Common Room team of the Queen’s College.

Emotions are riding high between the Australian and Indian sides following an explosive series that has featured plenty of sledging.

It’s feared things could get worse during next week’s fourth and final Test at the Sydney Cricket Ground.

Oh boo hoo…sledging is a part of cricket. ?? Read more »

How long before he trades her in?

Shane Warne has asked Liz Hurley to marry him:

The couple were having a romantic meal at the exclusive Old Course Hotel in St Andrews, Scotland, when the spin bowler popped the question.

The couple have been attending the Alfred Dunhill Links Championship and had been seen kissing on St Andrew’s Old Course earlier in the day.

Mr Warne, 42, posed the question in front of guests in the hotel?s Road Hole Restaurant, according to a report in the?Daily Mail.

The residents-only restaurant was packed with other VIPs and past Dunhill players at the time.

The unlikely couple have only been dating 10 months but there has been speculation that Mr Warne was planning to propose to the 45-year-old model and mother-of-one.

Warne's new beauty regime 'tiresome'

From the NZ Herald:

Elizabeth Hurley is finding Shane Warne’s preened new image “a little tiresome”.

The 46-year-old model-and-actress – whose cricketer lover has stepped out looking wrinkle-free and considerably slimmer in recent weeks – is reportedly concerned the Australian sportsman has taken his new beauty regime a little far.

An insider told the?Sunday Mirrornewspaper: “It’s not Elizabeth who has been telling him to diet and look after himself more – it’s all down to Shane. Shane’s been asking Liz about age-defying procedures like fillers and Botox and she’s found it all rather bizarre.

“She loves the fact he’s dropped some pounds but now it’s all getting a little crazy and she’s wondering what he’s going to do next.

“Liz doesn’t want to lose the man she’s fallen in love with but all the girly chat is getting a little tiresome. Her friends are finding it all highly amusing.”

She?probably?wants him to grow his mullet, get his gut back and root anything that moves to make him more attractive.

Oh Warnie, what have you done

Oh dear Lord, is he even still a man?

Shane Warne is a girly man

He was photographed looking noticeably slimmer, more muscle-bound and decidedly tanned on the set of Gossip Girl in New York.

Sporting a tight blue t-shirt, dark glasses and a chic new hairdo, he was almost unrecognisable from his former incarnation as a beefty, louty, knockabout bloke from Down Under.

During his years as a famous Aussie cricketer, Warne had declined to take much of an interest in his physique or appearance, except for the odd foray into blond hair dye and hair ?renewal?. If he grew slightly overweight thanks to too much beer and too many meat pies, it didn?t seem to worry him.

But it seems those days are over.

Since he met and started dating Hurley, he has morphed into an altogether more sophisticated creature.

Gone is the bad dye job and spiky hair. Gone is the pot belly. Gone are the trainers and high-street tracksuits.

These days Warne seems to be styling himself, or being styled, on a cross between James Bond and a Ken doll.

Thanks to the attentions of Hurley he says that he has lost 22lb and feels better than he has in years. He appears to have had his eyebrows reshaped and has even admitted to using moisturising cream, defiantly proclaiming: ?Yes, I?m still a man?.

No Warnie, you aren’t….you’re G.A.Y.


Key in the middle

John Key is used to being in the middle and yesterday he stood firm and spanked Shane Warne’s bowling to the boundary for $100,000 tot he Earthquake appeal from Fujitsu.

I note in the video that Phil Goff was in his usual place, standing on the sidelines,?irrelevant?to proceedings.


Help me win this auction

The Clown of Campbells Bay, Mayor Andrew Williams has an auction up on Trademe for a charity event. If you win the auction you get to spend an hour and a half with the mad Mayor in a flight simulator.

Now I can’t imagine that there is anyone willing to do this in such a confined space so as a community service for you all Whaleoil will take one for the team and try to win the auction.

I’d like my readers to help contribute though for the good of the nation and for the charity,which is Westpac Rescue.

Remember Whaleoil does this so you don’t have to.


The Real Body Painting Shots

The Clown of Campbells BayThe Clown of Campbells Bay recently got himself body painted in a desperate attempt to make the news

North Shore Mayor Andrew Williams is purportedly an ardent supporter of the awards and fronted up to this year’s launch with his own torso painted.

“The Body Art Awards are simply breathtaking – a spell-binding, fun, zany, outrageous experience put together by some highly creative and exceptionally talented New Zealanders,” he said.

In line with that, especially the zany and outrageous part, he got himself painted. Whale Oil Beef Hooked has been leaked the exclusive first draft. Apparently the mayor vetoed this and went with a different design.


Anger over ‘super mayor’ commentAuckland regional mayors have reacted angrily to a speech in which Prime Minister John Key appeared to give a nod to John Banks as a super city mayoral candidate. [Stuff Politics]

The Clown of Campbells Bay, Andrew Williams who also masquerades as the North Shore mayor is upset and spitting the dummy over John Key’s speech at the National party Conference where he appeared to endrse John Banks for the mayoralty of the new Super City.

Well colour me surprised that Andrew Williams is upset. He gets upset if the wine runs dry.

But can he really expect any other comment when he spams all of National’s MP’s and other party members at 9:31pm and 11:21pm and 11:26pm the night the Auckland regional conference began and coincidentally the same night my “mysterious” fax attack from the North Shore City Council arrived.

Headers of the emails show categoricially they were sent from North Shore Servers at those times. I wonder if my LGOIMA request filed this morning for all fax logs and door access logs for North Shore City between the hours of 8:30pm and 11:59pm Friday 5th June 2009 will show anything interesting.

All I can say to Andrew Williams and Penny Webster is Diddums!

Why don’t they do what Len Brown has done and hire a Labour functionary to run their campaigns for them. (More on this later)